December 7 2012

Today i  stayed home from work(may have had something to do with staying out until 3 this morning), this actually worked out well because today i was supposed to go to work with both holes plugged. This started because on fridays i am allowed to wear jeans but i think that even tho Master allows it it bugs him so he likes to make me uncomfortable if i do wear them. At any rate i wasn't really sure which toy was going to work, how it was going to feel, if i would be able to move normally, all that good stuff. But since i was home i got to take my time figuring out the best combo. It seems that is what is best is my normal large plug in my ass and the small plug that wont stay in my ass any longer in my cunt. The ass plug i have to turn to the side. this combo let me move pretty well and without any bad kind of pain.

 

For the most part these will stay in, however if i move wrong one or both will pop out. When i do this again i will have to wear my pantie girdle or something very tight to keep them in.  The feeling was incredible, my cunt was gushing the entire time i was filled!! i mean running down my legs type gushing. of course i am not allowed to cum but i am sooo okay with that-i think i almost like denial as much as cumming itself...well maybe not. But i do feel strongly that the point of all of this is not my pleasure, a slaves pleasure is not important, what is important is being ready to be used at all times and this certainly does the trick. i thought it would be so uncomfortable it wouldn't keep me excited but i was WRONG.

But that brings me to the next topic, semi related.  Master now says his goal is to make my holes so lose that i do not derive any pleasure from being fucked. My ass is already well on it way, the large dildo i used to use on my ass to get off now slides easily into me, tip to base in one stroke. i played the other night with it and had very little effect-i enjoyed it but the stretching, stuffed almost painful feeling that i love was gone with that toy. It is, i think, larger than your average cock so now if i am fucked in the ass i wont be cumming from just that anymore.  Conceptually i love this idea of lose fucked out holes that are only there for men to cum in and i have NO problem that my ass has already begun to feel this way. BUT i have to say i LOVE my tight cunt. When i am with men it is always commented upon and i LOVE to hear them when they first slide into me and feel how hot and tight i am and i am worried about losing that. i mean what if i stop doing this - what if i go vanilla again -what if..i don't know...i just know i love my pretty tight little cunt! i DO want to be purely a cum dump i really do and i will do what Mastered orders me to but this is a big one to get over. He also mentioned orajel on my clit when i am being used so that i cant have any clitoral stimulation either. This sounds interesting to me, the ache, the need is physically deep inside me so it won't stop that but it will make it impossible to be sated. At least i think that is how it will feel. i am actually going to buy some this weekend so i can see how that feels.

So i think this will be my last blog for the week-to resume on monday- since i will have to do my task and write my blog about that to be posted at SF this week end. i hope this first week was interesting to everyone, i really enjoyed being able to communicate my thoughts on a more regular basis.