Just because who doesn't like a good cucumber in the cunt shot? It's a classic. Is it wrong that I am going to cut it up and put it on my sandwich now?
Task photos
I wanted to post these here as well since they get cut off if you can only see the thumbnail on SF..there are more pics on yesterdays post as well. Enjoy
May 27 2013
i was thinking that people may think that i haven't been doing tasks lately. Actually every 4th weekend Mastered gives me off, which is just another reason that i have so much respect for him. You cant be up on someone constantly, people need a break, a breather even sluts and slaves and, yes, pigs. This can all get overwhelming sometimes and that break lets me relax a little and regroup. i imagine it like taking off a pair of shoes you love but hurt your feet, its a luxurious feeling. But your excited to put them back on and look super hot again. Anyway last weekend was my 4th weekend so no task.
This weekend i did have a task but it wasn't a typical task, i just had to take a series of pictures in slave position 1 and 2 in various states of dress. You can see one of the results on my new profile pic. Most of them wont be able to be posted on SF because there is not enough of a BDSM element but Mastered will have me try when he feels like it. But once he gave me the task and left it kind of open ended outside of some required shots i got a little creative. I was so proud of my shots i started showing them off at a bar last night-yes the same bar as my last adventure. i showed them to a friend and he agreed they were hot, then i showed them to a random guy who was sitting next to us and chatting with us. He was impressed. So impressed he got interested in me. i wound up going back to his place and sucking his cock. Either i am still suffering writers block or it just wasn't as exciting as last time. It was very late so i did only suck his cock, asked him to cum on my face-which he did- and then left. So yet another regular at that bar knows that i am a slut-pig. i am waiting and looking forward to the day that whispering starts when i walk into that bar. Had i been thinking i should have asked to blow him in the alley or the parking lot, i really want to feel that cheap street whore feeling BUT, sadly, i did not think about it.
Mastered said i can post any of the pictures i want here, so i thought i would post the series that was all my idea and that got me so worked up i went a sucked a strangers cock.
This weekend i did have a task but it wasn't a typical task, i just had to take a series of pictures in slave position 1 and 2 in various states of dress. You can see one of the results on my new profile pic. Most of them wont be able to be posted on SF because there is not enough of a BDSM element but Mastered will have me try when he feels like it. But once he gave me the task and left it kind of open ended outside of some required shots i got a little creative. I was so proud of my shots i started showing them off at a bar last night-yes the same bar as my last adventure. i showed them to a friend and he agreed they were hot, then i showed them to a random guy who was sitting next to us and chatting with us. He was impressed. So impressed he got interested in me. i wound up going back to his place and sucking his cock. Either i am still suffering writers block or it just wasn't as exciting as last time. It was very late so i did only suck his cock, asked him to cum on my face-which he did- and then left. So yet another regular at that bar knows that i am a slut-pig. i am waiting and looking forward to the day that whispering starts when i walk into that bar. Had i been thinking i should have asked to blow him in the alley or the parking lot, i really want to feel that cheap street whore feeling BUT, sadly, i did not think about it.
Mastered said i can post any of the pictures i want here, so i thought i would post the series that was all my idea and that got me so worked up i went a sucked a strangers cock.
May 21 2013a
Mastered is going away for a while in a month or so (less i
think). This happened last year as well. When he leaves for these extended
(over a week) periods of time he leaves me with what i have taken to calling a
"guest Master", although i don't think i would be allowed to call
them that-but i am not sure. At any rate this is a person that takes over the
his job in whatever capacity they are able. Check -ins, outfits choice, tasks,
daily maintenance. It is a weird feeling answering to a new person, not so much
the exposure to someone else because, really, what do i have left to be shy
about but adjusting to another tone/voice or set of expectations of behavior.
It seems to be the pattern that a month or so before Mastered leaves he lets me
know who it will be and they integrate into our conversation somewhat.
Last years guest was a person diametrically opposite of Master, a Daddy so to speak. He was actually responsible for the task that resulted in me having golf balls around the house for Mastered to torment me with now. It all went pretty smoothly, i think because he was less severe (but, perhaps, a tad bit more formal), than Mastered so my normal standards of behavior were sufficient. He liked to have me write stories, which was really nice because that was before i had this journal. This was also pre-pig but i think that would not have been his style so i am not actually sure he would have wanted the job now. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him and in fact i think he would be awesome for someone looking specifically for a Daddy but i don't think the level of degradation i have sunk to would be his cup of tea. But even though my behavior-i think- was fine i still had to figure out subtle likes and dislikes and alter what i talked about or what i emphasized and how i did that. That is one of the interesting things about the "guest".
i am sure that every D/s have their own shorthand or standards-you get to know what your Master cares about and what is behaviors or words are superfluous. i am fortunate in that, although Mastered is not a big talker and i am certainly more wordy, we are both pretty direct, non-flowery speakers. Also as i mentioned to someone recently-declarations, begging and certainly whining doesn't really have any effect on him so i don't bother with much of that- he really just wants to hear "Yes Sir" and know that i am doing what he says. (Everything i just wrote was a massive generalization so, of course, there are exceptions to it.) Ironically the way that i some times, feebly, try to register my unhappiness is by ONLY saying "Yes Sir", which probably just makes him happier-lol. But my point is, there is not much room for misunderstanding partially because we communicate similarly.
But that "shorthand" or those habits can be interpreted entirely differently by a new person-the "do this" or "show this" part of interacting with someone new is easy, those are clear directives. But it is adapting to the nuances of their desires and communicating successfully that can be jarring. Which is my way of segueing into discussing this years "guest", who has been a frequent commenter on my media. i have always enjoyed, from his first comment on pictures way back, how he addressed me or rather didn't address ME but merely commented upon the meat he was looking at. i felt that he was very similar to Mastered. But as time passed i feel like i got to know him thru his comments and we had a pretty good back and forth. But..and here is the thing...he was "just" a commenter, as long as i was polite Mastered didn't really care what i said and my commenter didn't have any say in anything that i did so i teased, i was casual. But now he has a say and it is funny how quickly he took to correcting my speech. i found myself kind of taken aback by the fact that my behavior would have to change (i know DUH) and a little surprised by the aggressiveness with which he took to his new role. i don't know why i should be surprised this is what i saw in him initially that made him one of my favs. But it was a good mind check for me because at first i was offended by his presumption-it was a knee jerk reaction-because i realize now that i had felt in control of previous interactions simply, i guess, by virtue of the fact that i could respond how ever i liked-blandly if i wasn't in the mood to write, tantalizing, teasing if i was feeling it. So this is showing me pretty forcefully that there are always little areas that i strive to control even when i don't realize it. Another thing that it has kind of reopened for me is the issue of being seen as an individual person. As i said this person and i had developed what i considered a rapport and i would have said he was fond of ME (the capital letter ME) but since i have been available to interact on a private level he has disabused me of that notion (without specifically trying) by the way he has addressed me. My first reaction was to be a little hurt but, now i like it, yet another reminder that i am here just for entertainment-that i am a body, holes, tits- not anything else that anyone is interested in when it comes right down to it.
i am getting tired but the last thing i wanted to mention was the shifting paradigm of approval seeking. All of this comes back to Mastered and making him proud. The last time there were things that irritated me, made me angry even, were different and therefore wrong as i am sure there will be this time but in every action and reaction i wanted to have the "guest" think well, not of me, but of Mastered and what his training has accomplished and THAT is what made me feel successful: making someone else look good-and this is coming from someone who made their boss cry today-LOL!
Now all of that said-i have high hopes for this "guest", not only has it already served to bring me low a couple of times by reminding me of the source of my value but the more i interact with him the more i am convinced that he will A) be consistant with Mastereds ...ideals-might be the right word and B) have diabolical and degrading and painful addtions to my current training. So...fun for everybody, right?
Last years guest was a person diametrically opposite of Master, a Daddy so to speak. He was actually responsible for the task that resulted in me having golf balls around the house for Mastered to torment me with now. It all went pretty smoothly, i think because he was less severe (but, perhaps, a tad bit more formal), than Mastered so my normal standards of behavior were sufficient. He liked to have me write stories, which was really nice because that was before i had this journal. This was also pre-pig but i think that would not have been his style so i am not actually sure he would have wanted the job now. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him and in fact i think he would be awesome for someone looking specifically for a Daddy but i don't think the level of degradation i have sunk to would be his cup of tea. But even though my behavior-i think- was fine i still had to figure out subtle likes and dislikes and alter what i talked about or what i emphasized and how i did that. That is one of the interesting things about the "guest".
i am sure that every D/s have their own shorthand or standards-you get to know what your Master cares about and what is behaviors or words are superfluous. i am fortunate in that, although Mastered is not a big talker and i am certainly more wordy, we are both pretty direct, non-flowery speakers. Also as i mentioned to someone recently-declarations, begging and certainly whining doesn't really have any effect on him so i don't bother with much of that- he really just wants to hear "Yes Sir" and know that i am doing what he says. (Everything i just wrote was a massive generalization so, of course, there are exceptions to it.) Ironically the way that i some times, feebly, try to register my unhappiness is by ONLY saying "Yes Sir", which probably just makes him happier-lol. But my point is, there is not much room for misunderstanding partially because we communicate similarly.
But that "shorthand" or those habits can be interpreted entirely differently by a new person-the "do this" or "show this" part of interacting with someone new is easy, those are clear directives. But it is adapting to the nuances of their desires and communicating successfully that can be jarring. Which is my way of segueing into discussing this years "guest", who has been a frequent commenter on my media. i have always enjoyed, from his first comment on pictures way back, how he addressed me or rather didn't address ME but merely commented upon the meat he was looking at. i felt that he was very similar to Mastered. But as time passed i feel like i got to know him thru his comments and we had a pretty good back and forth. But..and here is the thing...he was "just" a commenter, as long as i was polite Mastered didn't really care what i said and my commenter didn't have any say in anything that i did so i teased, i was casual. But now he has a say and it is funny how quickly he took to correcting my speech. i found myself kind of taken aback by the fact that my behavior would have to change (i know DUH) and a little surprised by the aggressiveness with which he took to his new role. i don't know why i should be surprised this is what i saw in him initially that made him one of my favs. But it was a good mind check for me because at first i was offended by his presumption-it was a knee jerk reaction-because i realize now that i had felt in control of previous interactions simply, i guess, by virtue of the fact that i could respond how ever i liked-blandly if i wasn't in the mood to write, tantalizing, teasing if i was feeling it. So this is showing me pretty forcefully that there are always little areas that i strive to control even when i don't realize it. Another thing that it has kind of reopened for me is the issue of being seen as an individual person. As i said this person and i had developed what i considered a rapport and i would have said he was fond of ME (the capital letter ME) but since i have been available to interact on a private level he has disabused me of that notion (without specifically trying) by the way he has addressed me. My first reaction was to be a little hurt but, now i like it, yet another reminder that i am here just for entertainment-that i am a body, holes, tits- not anything else that anyone is interested in when it comes right down to it.
i am getting tired but the last thing i wanted to mention was the shifting paradigm of approval seeking. All of this comes back to Mastered and making him proud. The last time there were things that irritated me, made me angry even, were different and therefore wrong as i am sure there will be this time but in every action and reaction i wanted to have the "guest" think well, not of me, but of Mastered and what his training has accomplished and THAT is what made me feel successful: making someone else look good-and this is coming from someone who made their boss cry today-LOL!
Now all of that said-i have high hopes for this "guest", not only has it already served to bring me low a couple of times by reminding me of the source of my value but the more i interact with him the more i am convinced that he will A) be consistant with Mastereds ...ideals-might be the right word and B) have diabolical and degrading and painful addtions to my current training. So...fun for everybody, right?
May 20 2013
Last week i had a bit of fun and torment, don't they always go hand in hand? First, earlier last week Mastered had me masturbate, but only by rubbing my clit and you know i was dying to have my fingers in my cunt BUT it wasn't allowed!
Then as if that wasn't bad enough on Friday i had to wear my remote control egg vibrator all day(you can see the pink remote and the wire into my pants)!! The night before i discovered that my nice silent one was broken so i had to use my back up egg (yes i have a back up) which is louder so i had to bury it deep inside me. But after a couple of hours i tugged it down so that it was sitting right at the opening of my cunt and hitting my clit-i just had to cross my legs hard and muffle the noise if anyone came around me. It was a looooong day
Then as if that wasn't bad enough on Friday i had to wear my remote control egg vibrator all day(you can see the pink remote and the wire into my pants)!! The night before i discovered that my nice silent one was broken so i had to use my back up egg (yes i have a back up) which is louder so i had to bury it deep inside me. But after a couple of hours i tugged it down so that it was sitting right at the opening of my cunt and hitting my clit-i just had to cross my legs hard and muffle the noise if anyone came around me. It was a looooong day
Since that was Friday, of course i went out after work and had a couple of drinks and by the time i got home i was desperate BUT i am pretty obedient and just stuck with my normal ass fucking and left my aching cunt alone.
Then after all of this (and a little begging on my part) Master let me do something i haven't done in literally months and which is my favorite thing and the one sure way to make me cum. And cum i did in about 3 minutes!
Reposted blog "slave Js first time"
i am reposting this old blog from SF in answer to a question on my last journal "1) I wonder how you got to become what you are ...". This same question was asked of me on SF and i asked Mastered if i could answer it and he said i could but ....get this....was i sure i wanted people to know all of that about me! hahahahahaha guess we all know the answer to that now. This is pretty much the story of my first experience. There should be a second part that i may have to add about my evolution under Mastered (although what don't you already know about that??) because these 2 relationships are like bookends-my first one was almost perfection and then years of dissatisfaction and now i have Mastered and i think it is clear it is close to perfect for me. Anyway i hope you enjoy:
i don't have a very exciting story about how i got started. i don't know if you want to hear how i developed my appetites or my first experience so i will generally address both.
When i was 9 or 10 i found my fathers stash of porn, but it wasn't pictures or magazines, they were books (and i was already a voracious reader. to this day my favorite form of porn is written). They were all bdsm stories so the very first things i ever read or viewed about sex was about women being degraded and humiliated. i don't know how much reading serious hard core stuff when i was that young had to do with it or if it is just an innate desire i was born with but either way bdsm fantasies were ALL i have ever had/have.
When i was first having sex i would hint to the guys that i was into this kind of stuff, but my partners and i were so young and stupid that although we knew it was tantalizing nobody really knew what to do about it-that was ages 15-20. Then i met David. We were 21, we had dated for a couple of weeks and were already having sex but one night after only being together for a couple of weeks....and i will never ever forget this night...we were doing it doggie style and he started talking dirty to me like no one had ever really talked before-he asked me if i loved his cock-he would pull out of me- and tell me to beg for it before he would slide into me again. This is all pretty small stuff from our perspective now but for a young woman for the first time getting a taste of what she wanted it was amazing and i definitely showed that i was VERY into it. Then he took it up a notch, the next time he pulled out of me he told me to bark like a dog!!!!! That is a hard thing to do, even now making animal noises is one of my least favorite things to do. But there i was: 21, had never really done anything like that so even though i was incredibly mindlessly turned on i refused. HERE is what this 21 year old inexperienced man did that set the bar high for anyone trying to dominate me later: when i didn't bark like a dog, he moved away from me and got off the bed and started to get dressed without a word. SERIOUSLY??? a 21 year old guy was walking away from MY tight dripping hot cunt? To this day, considering how easy it is to derail "dominant" men just by throwing some pussy in their face, it amazes me he was able to do that. But it worked, i begged him to come back and before he gave me his cock again i barked like a dog and for the rest of the time he was fucking me that night when ever he told me to do it i did. From there we went further, he was the first to whip me with a belt, the first to whip my tits, first nipple clamps, first anal, he loved inserting things into my holes. He would tie me up and just fill my holes with whatever was at hand. Our sex was close to the best i have ever had. Emotionally we handled the situation horribly but that's another story.
The really amazing thing about this, to me, is that neither one of us had ever expressed this side of ourselves outside of our fantasies but the way we came together was so organic and effortless and we went pretty far, not just some spanking and dirty talk, but real D/s stuff. i think i am a true slut by nature but he was the most true and natural Dom i have known. The way he handled me, dominated me was with absolute authority and absolute confidence from the start, that is very impressive to me especially after years of meeting older more experience Doms that were so weak in comparison. We have remained semi-friends over the past 20 years and we talked maybe 2 years ago about how neither one of us have ever been able to duplicate the passion or the naturalness of the sexual relationship we shared. The problem for me is that i was never able to find a Dom or a master who possessed the absolute authority that David had. That night became the bar that i measured so called "dominant" men by, it became sort of a test: if a man claimed to be dominant and told me to do something immediately before or during sex i would subtly refuse, offering another sex act or saying "please just fuck me, i cant wait to feel you inside me blah blah blah" and if he didn't notice what i had done or chose to let it slide and fucked me anyway he failed and my submission to him would be off the table for good. It is shocking and sad how many failed. With one (and a half) exceptions i have not had any other truly successful bdsm interactions until now.
i don't have a very exciting story about how i got started. i don't know if you want to hear how i developed my appetites or my first experience so i will generally address both.
When i was 9 or 10 i found my fathers stash of porn, but it wasn't pictures or magazines, they were books (and i was already a voracious reader. to this day my favorite form of porn is written). They were all bdsm stories so the very first things i ever read or viewed about sex was about women being degraded and humiliated. i don't know how much reading serious hard core stuff when i was that young had to do with it or if it is just an innate desire i was born with but either way bdsm fantasies were ALL i have ever had/have.
When i was first having sex i would hint to the guys that i was into this kind of stuff, but my partners and i were so young and stupid that although we knew it was tantalizing nobody really knew what to do about it-that was ages 15-20. Then i met David. We were 21, we had dated for a couple of weeks and were already having sex but one night after only being together for a couple of weeks....and i will never ever forget this night...we were doing it doggie style and he started talking dirty to me like no one had ever really talked before-he asked me if i loved his cock-he would pull out of me- and tell me to beg for it before he would slide into me again. This is all pretty small stuff from our perspective now but for a young woman for the first time getting a taste of what she wanted it was amazing and i definitely showed that i was VERY into it. Then he took it up a notch, the next time he pulled out of me he told me to bark like a dog!!!!! That is a hard thing to do, even now making animal noises is one of my least favorite things to do. But there i was: 21, had never really done anything like that so even though i was incredibly mindlessly turned on i refused. HERE is what this 21 year old inexperienced man did that set the bar high for anyone trying to dominate me later: when i didn't bark like a dog, he moved away from me and got off the bed and started to get dressed without a word. SERIOUSLY??? a 21 year old guy was walking away from MY tight dripping hot cunt? To this day, considering how easy it is to derail "dominant" men just by throwing some pussy in their face, it amazes me he was able to do that. But it worked, i begged him to come back and before he gave me his cock again i barked like a dog and for the rest of the time he was fucking me that night when ever he told me to do it i did. From there we went further, he was the first to whip me with a belt, the first to whip my tits, first nipple clamps, first anal, he loved inserting things into my holes. He would tie me up and just fill my holes with whatever was at hand. Our sex was close to the best i have ever had. Emotionally we handled the situation horribly but that's another story.
The really amazing thing about this, to me, is that neither one of us had ever expressed this side of ourselves outside of our fantasies but the way we came together was so organic and effortless and we went pretty far, not just some spanking and dirty talk, but real D/s stuff. i think i am a true slut by nature but he was the most true and natural Dom i have known. The way he handled me, dominated me was with absolute authority and absolute confidence from the start, that is very impressive to me especially after years of meeting older more experience Doms that were so weak in comparison. We have remained semi-friends over the past 20 years and we talked maybe 2 years ago about how neither one of us have ever been able to duplicate the passion or the naturalness of the sexual relationship we shared. The problem for me is that i was never able to find a Dom or a master who possessed the absolute authority that David had. That night became the bar that i measured so called "dominant" men by, it became sort of a test: if a man claimed to be dominant and told me to do something immediately before or during sex i would subtly refuse, offering another sex act or saying "please just fuck me, i cant wait to feel you inside me blah blah blah" and if he didn't notice what i had done or chose to let it slide and fucked me anyway he failed and my submission to him would be off the table for good. It is shocking and sad how many failed. With one (and a half) exceptions i have not had any other truly successful bdsm interactions until now.
Looking for Inspiration
i feel like i have been ignoring my journal but i just havent had any inspiration lately. i was thinking, sometimes a phrase, or someone elses comments catches my attention and gets me thinking and inspires me. So i though, just for the fun of it, i would ask if anyone has any questions about my training or anything i have talked about before or, even, things i havent talked about before but you are curious about. It feels a little self important to do it but i thought the results might be interesting. That said, no silliness please-i can just delete the whole entry if i don't like the direction it goes in. So have at me, lets see if i am as open when i dont control the topic.
Picture for answer to question # 1:
Picture for answer to question # 1:
So far i am really glad i did this- just the 2 so far have given me ideas or reminded me of things i want to do or need to refocus on-thanks!!
May 7 2013
So i am posting a two for one tonight. On sat. i went to the Lyric Opera House to see Dreamgirls (FABULOUS) and then out downtown afterward. So i decided to whore it up a little because i thought how hot it would have been had i had one of my slut labels on last time i had my "adventure". No adventure materialized but i was ready if any had:
Then today Mastered assigned the tack bra and panty (tits and cunt lips are sore tonight) and along with it a humorous (in his view) label. i had to write it spaced oddly because my blouse could have shown it, all day i was trying to make sure i stayed covered.
Then today Mastered assigned the tack bra and panty (tits and cunt lips are sore tonight) and along with it a humorous (in his view) label. i had to write it spaced oddly because my blouse could have shown it, all day i was trying to make sure i stayed covered.
In other news i had my first oink day on Friday. i understand now why my dog wags her tail when she is happy. Let me explain....when Mastered would text me with something i liked, words that would turn me on or asked me questions about what i want and i could only respond with my two oinks it was like all this energy was building up inside me with no way to expend it. When Master says something like "Well, little dumb pig...horny for cock?" i would normal respond with something like "yes Sir for your cock, i want to beg you to fuck your pig. i wish you would fuck me hard over and over never letting me cum and then shoot your cum in my pighole so i am left dripping cum and desperate and unsatisfied". But all i could say was "oink oink", or "oink oink! oink oink!" and it left me with an actual physical feeling of momentum trapped inside my body and had this been happening in person i am SURE i would have waggled my ass, nudged, nuzzled and, i am going to say, whined just to get that tension out of my body. It was the weirdest feeling and it really was a physical feeling. It didn't take me entirely out of myself because i was at work so the prohibition wasn't entire and i am sure just the act of saying words to others diluted the experience but i now long to test this in person for a significant period of time-the head space has got to be amazing. Mastered is thinking that maybe all Fridays will be oink days-i would prefer a day where, again except for work, i would be limited to only yes or no in the regular world too. i think that would be a fuller experience and a challenge for me and Fridays are one of my going out nights so i wouldn't be able to carry it thru the entire day. But we shall see.
Now the flip side of the experience was when he said or did something that made me unhappy or that i disagreed with. These limitations actually made that easier to take. Normally i have to fight with myself, not that i will say no to anything, but i will try to register my unhappiness somehow or say something that i know he wont care about or will just irritate him. Everything came down to yes or no it was simple-no internal argument. Don't get me wrong i still might feel some way but the temptation to voice that was gone, and surprisingly that eliminated some level of stress that i get when a situation like that occurs. i think this took me to a level that i don't think even Mastered realized, it wasn't necessarily a "oh i just got gushing wet" level (although that happened) but mentally i think something like this could really mess with me (in a good way)....if you get used to thinking in simple terms of yes or no, no higher level of articulation or thought you get closer to a simple animal way of responding...hypothetically anyway. i look forward to the next oink day to see if it was just the novelty that so entranced me or if this really is as amazing an experience as i thought.
May 2 2013
i have a couple of things to talk about tonight-its been kind of a weird week or two.
But first- to finish the trifecta of zip line torture. Last night was arms and i finally get some bruising out of these ordeals. This all started last week with me wanting to do something different to my tits each night so that by the weekend they would be so sore that if the wind blew it would hurt but for a couple of reasons it evolved into this. i enjoyed this mainly because i could proudly send the videos off to Mastered knowing he would wake up to them and start his day off with proof of my devotion. But i also (in addition to the pain but i have talked about that before) love that moment right before i pull the strings, when i have to JUST DO IT. That is one thing, even in regular life, that i am pretty good at -just facing the inevitable and DOING IT. Pulling that string is actually a good metaphor for a lot of things, but i digress. Here are the pictures and vid:
Also i haven't shown my slut label for a while and Mastered likes this one so here is todays outfit:
Now to the meat and potatoes. i was assigned 2 new rules today, one i am not excited about but one has rocked my world and made me so happy. Of course i have Diaper Day on Wednesdays but now i have "Oink Day". This is a day that can happen randomly, apparently i will just wake up to an email that will notify me it is "Oink Day". When that happens i will only be able to respond to Mastered with one oink for no and two oinks for yes for that day. What this says to me is that my opinions, my thoughts are so irrelevant, so pointless to Mastered that they can be replaced with oinks. Oh to truly be a dumb pig!!!! i can not wait for this to happen, to have that feeling of frustration that i have something to say, something that i think has value but be reduced to a yes or no and worse only thru oinks. How much more forcefully can a person like me be reminded of their role than taking speech from me???? i hope i can embrace this, i hope it pushes me hard, i hope i have to hold back my tears because the realization of how little of what i say or think effects anything slaps me right across my face. Because that is what this is saying-these fine well articulated thoughts sound the same coming from me as oinks.
When Mastered calls me i am supposed to pick up the phone saying right away "Yes Sir?" or "Yes Master?", i am visualizing my cell phone sitting on my desk and showing Master calling and having to grab it and race to a place that i can pick up just oinking or will i just try to quietly do it at my desk in public? My stomach is in knots already thinking of this. i can not tell you how happy i am about this rule!! The other question, of course, is will he try to provoke me, push my buttons with things he knows i will be consumed with wanting to expound on. The thing about him is that, yes, he is harsh and there is no compromise with him-absolutely! But within those parameters he is...reasonable is not exactly the right word but straight forward...there is no guessing, there is no hyperbole and there are no games. He is not one to give me an impossible task so he can punish, he doesn't rant and rave and posture, he is always realistic in expectations and in working with real life limitations. i am saying all of that because, honestly, i think he would think it is beneath him to mess with me or try to provoke me (i could be totally wrong-lol), i think this is just what i said: a new rule he expects me to follow, no more no less. So we shall see, but i am looking forward to this new challenge, this step closer to being a dumb pig in word and deed. Who wants to bet this journal will be over flowing with all the words i don't get to say on those days?
i haven't talked about Diaper Day recently - i felt like it was well covered territory but a couple things have come up. Without going into a huge amount of detail i did not do some things i was supposed to last week - i think without realizing it i was either giving up, or trying to test some boundaries, i was definitely going thru some "changes" as they say. The upshot of this behavior was that Mastered removed himself from the situation - basically saying on wed morning don't do anything but catch up on the 3 things you haven't done, get your shit together and contact me on Friday if you manage to do that. So that would be 2 days with out contact and no daily activities -such as diaper day. At first i was just relieved but as time went by on wed i found i missed him, of course, but i specifically missed the....intimacy of DD. i never really thought of it in those terms but it is a day that, in real time, he is in control of aspects of my body even more intimate than sex..it is hard to put it in words but my dependence on him shows in stark relief that day, my submission is without condition or question on that day. So long story short i was happy when this wed rolled around, i felt i was back at home. And it was fabulous to be back. i have started to get a little brazen about the diapers. i don't know if the brand i use changed something or what but they are a little noisy now and i like that, i like the reminder, the embarrassment of knowing what that noise is as i move (but still feeling pretty safe because, seriously, who hears crinkling and thinks "someone is wearing diapers"). i have somewhat of a changing routine - around 12 and then 2 and then before i leave work. For those that don't know as more piss gets in the diaper they get visibly puffier, and i like that too - feeling the bulk of the wet diaper, the idea that it could be seen if someone really looked. But that was put to the test yesterday: i was about to do the 12 oclock change so i was pretty puffed out and i was wearing a sweater dress that clings. When i got up to go to the bathroom i had, under the guise of smoothing my skirt, run my hand over my ass to see how puffed out and bulky my diaper was and the answer was very. So i grabbed my purse and set off to the restroom, as soon as i started walking a man in the office started walking behind me. The thing about me is i have a great ass (lol) and i walk in a fashion that pretty much demands any man behind me look at it so i was about 90% sure that is where this man behind me was looking, i was freaking out!!!! i turned down another hall and FUCK he turned too!! This was the longest 1 minute walk of my life - in my bulky wet visible diaper being followed by a man i KNOW was looking at my ass. But that is what i think about right? this is the line i am walking on purpose by sending Mastered outfits selections on diaper day that are not necessarily discreet. i don't know what he saw or noticed, and again who would ever really think: hmmmm wonder if she is wearing a diaper? But still.....it got all up inside my head. Not great that it happened at work instead walking of down the aisle in a store in front of a stranger or something where i could just really live in the moment but what can you do. i do actually have a humiliation fantasy of being shopping with Mastered-standing in line and having him pat my ass and ask in a normal speaking voice if my diaper is wet-can you imagine the shame??????? oh fuck YES. i can feel the blush run up my face, i can feel trying to avoid every ones eyes. whoa that would be awesome - i think it would actually make me dizzy the combo of pure true shame, embarrassment and excitement.
So there you have it - i am glad i finally got to get some of this out and down on paper-i feel like i didn't do either of these subjects justice but i had a lot to cover-i hope i made sense!
But first- to finish the trifecta of zip line torture. Last night was arms and i finally get some bruising out of these ordeals. This all started last week with me wanting to do something different to my tits each night so that by the weekend they would be so sore that if the wind blew it would hurt but for a couple of reasons it evolved into this. i enjoyed this mainly because i could proudly send the videos off to Mastered knowing he would wake up to them and start his day off with proof of my devotion. But i also (in addition to the pain but i have talked about that before) love that moment right before i pull the strings, when i have to JUST DO IT. That is one thing, even in regular life, that i am pretty good at -just facing the inevitable and DOING IT. Pulling that string is actually a good metaphor for a lot of things, but i digress. Here are the pictures and vid:
Also i haven't shown my slut label for a while and Mastered likes this one so here is todays outfit:
Now to the meat and potatoes. i was assigned 2 new rules today, one i am not excited about but one has rocked my world and made me so happy. Of course i have Diaper Day on Wednesdays but now i have "Oink Day". This is a day that can happen randomly, apparently i will just wake up to an email that will notify me it is "Oink Day". When that happens i will only be able to respond to Mastered with one oink for no and two oinks for yes for that day. What this says to me is that my opinions, my thoughts are so irrelevant, so pointless to Mastered that they can be replaced with oinks. Oh to truly be a dumb pig!!!! i can not wait for this to happen, to have that feeling of frustration that i have something to say, something that i think has value but be reduced to a yes or no and worse only thru oinks. How much more forcefully can a person like me be reminded of their role than taking speech from me???? i hope i can embrace this, i hope it pushes me hard, i hope i have to hold back my tears because the realization of how little of what i say or think effects anything slaps me right across my face. Because that is what this is saying-these fine well articulated thoughts sound the same coming from me as oinks.
When Mastered calls me i am supposed to pick up the phone saying right away "Yes Sir?" or "Yes Master?", i am visualizing my cell phone sitting on my desk and showing Master calling and having to grab it and race to a place that i can pick up just oinking or will i just try to quietly do it at my desk in public? My stomach is in knots already thinking of this. i can not tell you how happy i am about this rule!! The other question, of course, is will he try to provoke me, push my buttons with things he knows i will be consumed with wanting to expound on. The thing about him is that, yes, he is harsh and there is no compromise with him-absolutely! But within those parameters he is...reasonable is not exactly the right word but straight forward...there is no guessing, there is no hyperbole and there are no games. He is not one to give me an impossible task so he can punish, he doesn't rant and rave and posture, he is always realistic in expectations and in working with real life limitations. i am saying all of that because, honestly, i think he would think it is beneath him to mess with me or try to provoke me (i could be totally wrong-lol), i think this is just what i said: a new rule he expects me to follow, no more no less. So we shall see, but i am looking forward to this new challenge, this step closer to being a dumb pig in word and deed. Who wants to bet this journal will be over flowing with all the words i don't get to say on those days?
i haven't talked about Diaper Day recently - i felt like it was well covered territory but a couple things have come up. Without going into a huge amount of detail i did not do some things i was supposed to last week - i think without realizing it i was either giving up, or trying to test some boundaries, i was definitely going thru some "changes" as they say. The upshot of this behavior was that Mastered removed himself from the situation - basically saying on wed morning don't do anything but catch up on the 3 things you haven't done, get your shit together and contact me on Friday if you manage to do that. So that would be 2 days with out contact and no daily activities -such as diaper day. At first i was just relieved but as time went by on wed i found i missed him, of course, but i specifically missed the....intimacy of DD. i never really thought of it in those terms but it is a day that, in real time, he is in control of aspects of my body even more intimate than sex..it is hard to put it in words but my dependence on him shows in stark relief that day, my submission is without condition or question on that day. So long story short i was happy when this wed rolled around, i felt i was back at home. And it was fabulous to be back. i have started to get a little brazen about the diapers. i don't know if the brand i use changed something or what but they are a little noisy now and i like that, i like the reminder, the embarrassment of knowing what that noise is as i move (but still feeling pretty safe because, seriously, who hears crinkling and thinks "someone is wearing diapers"). i have somewhat of a changing routine - around 12 and then 2 and then before i leave work. For those that don't know as more piss gets in the diaper they get visibly puffier, and i like that too - feeling the bulk of the wet diaper, the idea that it could be seen if someone really looked. But that was put to the test yesterday: i was about to do the 12 oclock change so i was pretty puffed out and i was wearing a sweater dress that clings. When i got up to go to the bathroom i had, under the guise of smoothing my skirt, run my hand over my ass to see how puffed out and bulky my diaper was and the answer was very. So i grabbed my purse and set off to the restroom, as soon as i started walking a man in the office started walking behind me. The thing about me is i have a great ass (lol) and i walk in a fashion that pretty much demands any man behind me look at it so i was about 90% sure that is where this man behind me was looking, i was freaking out!!!! i turned down another hall and FUCK he turned too!! This was the longest 1 minute walk of my life - in my bulky wet visible diaper being followed by a man i KNOW was looking at my ass. But that is what i think about right? this is the line i am walking on purpose by sending Mastered outfits selections on diaper day that are not necessarily discreet. i don't know what he saw or noticed, and again who would ever really think: hmmmm wonder if she is wearing a diaper? But still.....it got all up inside my head. Not great that it happened at work instead walking of down the aisle in a store in front of a stranger or something where i could just really live in the moment but what can you do. i do actually have a humiliation fantasy of being shopping with Mastered-standing in line and having him pat my ass and ask in a normal speaking voice if my diaper is wet-can you imagine the shame??????? oh fuck YES. i can feel the blush run up my face, i can feel trying to avoid every ones eyes. whoa that would be awesome - i think it would actually make me dizzy the combo of pure true shame, embarrassment and excitement.
So there you have it - i am glad i finally got to get some of this out and down on paper-i feel like i didn't do either of these subjects justice but i had a lot to cover-i hope i made sense!
May 1 2013
Just a quick post- i have to go out- i will try to write something substantive (for those of you who enjoy that kind of thing-lol) at some point this week.
i played more with the zip line last night. i don't like this video as much but Mastered seemed happy and that is what matters. This will be posted on SF but you saw it here first folks!
These were also on for an hour before i pulled them off. They, shockingly, haven't turned into bruises yet. Stay tuned for inner arms at some point BUT not sure i will be able to hold the phone to record so this might be the last video.
i hope everyone has a great night-weather here is gorgeous and i am about to go blow off some steam.
i played more with the zip line last night. i don't like this video as much but Mastered seemed happy and that is what matters. This will be posted on SF but you saw it here first folks!
i hope everyone has a great night-weather here is gorgeous and i am about to go blow off some steam.
April 30 2013
Here is a little present for you sadists again. Sunday, as you may have read in my blog i wore my tack bra and panties to the mall. Today Mastered had me wear them both all day-i have never been so happy to change into workout clothes, my nipples and cunt lips were raw and sore (more on my travails tmro i think) BUT i had already gotten it into my head to surprise Master with a little video. i attached 5 clothes pins to each tit and left them on for an hour (that might have been Mastereds idea):
But then we get to the surprise part- i thought it might be nice if i took video and audio of me ripping them off:
:
The video was taken with my phone so its not great but i think you get the gist of it. Don't you just love the sound??? I do!
This is what my poor little tits looked like after:
i will most likely be up for the rest of the night now from the pain rush but it was worth it-its been about an hour and a half and my tits are still throbbing-god it feels so good/horrible!!
Hope you enjoy!!
April 24 2013
SO! i had some excitement this weekend. i couldn't figure out how to start this journal but then unrelatedly someone made a comment on my pic that he didn't think i was promiscuous and that kind of gave me my jumping off point, because on Friday night i let myself get picked up in a bar.
Allow me to digress momentarily: i think that a woman can sleep with 50 guys and it is perfectly fine-i have absolutely nothing against one night stands of any sort-i will NEVER use the words slut or whore in a societally accepted judgmental way. As long as a woman is okay with it and not doing it for some stupid idea about validating herself have at it- i will be the first to say "go girl"!!!
That being said, i am not into them. i prefer casual sex with people i know, not strangers (and even that i don't really bother with all that often). One of the reasons that i don't like one night stands is because the dude trying to pick you up at 1am at the bar is simply trying to find a hole to stick his cock in and is not specifically attracted to you. The old me found that absolutely unacceptable. Casual sex-no prob, casual sex with someone that isn't hot for me specifically-not going to happen.
But this weekend out with my friend we went into a bar late, around 1230. Pretty quickly Mr Man, sidled up to us and began talking. Normal he would have gotten the patented "Slave J Freeze Out"-rolled eyes, disdainful look, culminating in a pointedly turned back. But something was different this time. i don't know what exactly was rolling around in my head-desperation for a mans touch, the thought that Mastered had wanted me to do exactly this (but i think be sleazier about it-think hotel bar, me alone coming onto someone). Maybe i am really a different person now, either way within about 30 minutes we left to go to his place. i have not done something like that in YEARS. But i was rolling with it. As soon as we got into his house i just started peeling off my clothes. We had already flirted around established that he was a dominate person and i told him to go for it but with the caveat that he could only fuck my ass or my mouth.
In minutes his cock was in my ass, it really was just that straight forward- a couple of kisses and boom, i just fell to my hands and knees and offered up my ass. My practice has worked, his cock slid into me with no resistance ( he was slightly above average-just slightly). There was none of the slow, careful stroking that usually goes with anal. He was in me and fucking me hard right away. i have to confess i probably came within about 3 minutes my legs were covered in my cum. He grabbed me by the hair as he fucked me doggy style and i moaned and screamed and begged him to fuck my ass hard! When we switched positions i took that opportunity to suck his cock and get down and dirty with some ATM. It was a little shocking to me how much i was thinking of Mastered as this happened-i have never been super comfortable with my oral skills (always relied on the fact that i am a fabulous fuck-lol) and don't have a lot of chances to practice on a real cock. So as i was sucking his cock and licking his balls i was thinking of how i would try to serve Mastered, i started trying to deep throat him, i felt his cock hitting the back of my throat, i was gagging and drooling but knowing now that is the desired effect i had no shame and just kept going. i think i did a good job judging from the noises he made. We switched again and fucked face to face but with his cock still in my ass, at this point i got a little bonus as he choked me (i love that-almost as much as i like having a mans hand over my nose and mouth as he fucks me and decides when i get to breathe-hot hot hot). The fucking moved all over the room floor, bed, chair and everywhere i was gushing cum. Finally he came deep and hard into my pighole, while i was begging for his cum! We did the heavy breathing laying there recovering thing for a couple of minutes then we got up and i went to the bathroom. When i came out he was on the bed asleep so i put on my clothes and left. It was the perfect use of a pig. Once we hit his house there was no talking only fucking and as soon as the fucking was done i left.
i was proud of myself that i stuck to Mastered ass-fucking only rule. i did break one by kissing a couple of times but that is really hard to get out of, and i wasn't exactly sure if i was allowed to cum. Truly i could not have controlled it even if i hadn't been allowed to-but that being said my ass was so loose that the sensation was a far far far cry from the kind of penetration and full, stuffed, stretched feeling that gets me off, i think if it hadn't been so long since i had had a real orgasm (any thing i do by myself pales in comparison to a man induced orgasm) i would not have cum. But although i now have an official rule against kissing, the cumming wasn't an issue. Now that i have gotten a good solid orgasm or 13 out of my system i would like to test that theory and see if i could really be the kind of slut i want to be, where i don't cum and am really truly only a hole being used..baby steps i guess. I told Mastered about my adventure and he said this "I want you whoring pig, it's good for you and I am sure made you feel like a pig".
What i am really kind of wondering is what he is left thinking. There was no way he didn't notice that my asshole is giant, what does he say to his boys the next day? How is he describing this nasty nasty sex with the cougar from the other night? Is he talking about my body and holes like men do on my pics, telling about the nasty slut that went ass to mouth? And lastly is he going to be staking out the bar we met at? My male friends say yes, lol
So that was my weekend-well then i finished off on sunday with a wonderful massage that i felt like i had earned. i am actually not joking when i say being a slave is extremely stressful and all of that tension goes straight to my shoulder blades. Yeah, so it was a rough weekend for slave J. :)
Allow me to digress momentarily: i think that a woman can sleep with 50 guys and it is perfectly fine-i have absolutely nothing against one night stands of any sort-i will NEVER use the words slut or whore in a societally accepted judgmental way. As long as a woman is okay with it and not doing it for some stupid idea about validating herself have at it- i will be the first to say "go girl"!!!
That being said, i am not into them. i prefer casual sex with people i know, not strangers (and even that i don't really bother with all that often). One of the reasons that i don't like one night stands is because the dude trying to pick you up at 1am at the bar is simply trying to find a hole to stick his cock in and is not specifically attracted to you. The old me found that absolutely unacceptable. Casual sex-no prob, casual sex with someone that isn't hot for me specifically-not going to happen.
But this weekend out with my friend we went into a bar late, around 1230. Pretty quickly Mr Man, sidled up to us and began talking. Normal he would have gotten the patented "Slave J Freeze Out"-rolled eyes, disdainful look, culminating in a pointedly turned back. But something was different this time. i don't know what exactly was rolling around in my head-desperation for a mans touch, the thought that Mastered had wanted me to do exactly this (but i think be sleazier about it-think hotel bar, me alone coming onto someone). Maybe i am really a different person now, either way within about 30 minutes we left to go to his place. i have not done something like that in YEARS. But i was rolling with it. As soon as we got into his house i just started peeling off my clothes. We had already flirted around established that he was a dominate person and i told him to go for it but with the caveat that he could only fuck my ass or my mouth.
In minutes his cock was in my ass, it really was just that straight forward- a couple of kisses and boom, i just fell to my hands and knees and offered up my ass. My practice has worked, his cock slid into me with no resistance ( he was slightly above average-just slightly). There was none of the slow, careful stroking that usually goes with anal. He was in me and fucking me hard right away. i have to confess i probably came within about 3 minutes my legs were covered in my cum. He grabbed me by the hair as he fucked me doggy style and i moaned and screamed and begged him to fuck my ass hard! When we switched positions i took that opportunity to suck his cock and get down and dirty with some ATM. It was a little shocking to me how much i was thinking of Mastered as this happened-i have never been super comfortable with my oral skills (always relied on the fact that i am a fabulous fuck-lol) and don't have a lot of chances to practice on a real cock. So as i was sucking his cock and licking his balls i was thinking of how i would try to serve Mastered, i started trying to deep throat him, i felt his cock hitting the back of my throat, i was gagging and drooling but knowing now that is the desired effect i had no shame and just kept going. i think i did a good job judging from the noises he made. We switched again and fucked face to face but with his cock still in my ass, at this point i got a little bonus as he choked me (i love that-almost as much as i like having a mans hand over my nose and mouth as he fucks me and decides when i get to breathe-hot hot hot). The fucking moved all over the room floor, bed, chair and everywhere i was gushing cum. Finally he came deep and hard into my pighole, while i was begging for his cum! We did the heavy breathing laying there recovering thing for a couple of minutes then we got up and i went to the bathroom. When i came out he was on the bed asleep so i put on my clothes and left. It was the perfect use of a pig. Once we hit his house there was no talking only fucking and as soon as the fucking was done i left.
i was proud of myself that i stuck to Mastered ass-fucking only rule. i did break one by kissing a couple of times but that is really hard to get out of, and i wasn't exactly sure if i was allowed to cum. Truly i could not have controlled it even if i hadn't been allowed to-but that being said my ass was so loose that the sensation was a far far far cry from the kind of penetration and full, stuffed, stretched feeling that gets me off, i think if it hadn't been so long since i had had a real orgasm (any thing i do by myself pales in comparison to a man induced orgasm) i would not have cum. But although i now have an official rule against kissing, the cumming wasn't an issue. Now that i have gotten a good solid orgasm or 13 out of my system i would like to test that theory and see if i could really be the kind of slut i want to be, where i don't cum and am really truly only a hole being used..baby steps i guess. I told Mastered about my adventure and he said this "I want you whoring pig, it's good for you and I am sure made you feel like a pig".
What i am really kind of wondering is what he is left thinking. There was no way he didn't notice that my asshole is giant, what does he say to his boys the next day? How is he describing this nasty nasty sex with the cougar from the other night? Is he talking about my body and holes like men do on my pics, telling about the nasty slut that went ass to mouth? And lastly is he going to be staking out the bar we met at? My male friends say yes, lol
So that was my weekend-well then i finished off on sunday with a wonderful massage that i felt like i had earned. i am actually not joking when i say being a slave is extremely stressful and all of that tension goes straight to my shoulder blades. Yeah, so it was a rough weekend for slave J. :)
April 23, 2013
i have some things to write about from the weekend and beyond but i am too tired so i will distract you with pictures of my tits!
last night Mastered ordered that once i got home and up to my slutroom i spend the night with my tits in clamps and i upped the ante and asked that i hang out with my cunt lips clamped too, he agreed but, of course, added the weight. so this is a pic from last night -i wound up spending several hours in clamps, laying around, packing gym bag, letting the dog out etc:
today i wore my tacks-taped TIGHTLY into my nipples for the day which wound up being about 12 hours-i kept thinking "fuck it i am just going to take them off" but i made it until 10 pm -which is when i got into bed. as always i wish this looked as painful as it was but oh well. oh, bonus of the days label showing.
last night Mastered ordered that once i got home and up to my slutroom i spend the night with my tits in clamps and i upped the ante and asked that i hang out with my cunt lips clamped too, he agreed but, of course, added the weight. so this is a pic from last night -i wound up spending several hours in clamps, laying around, packing gym bag, letting the dog out etc:
today i wore my tacks-taped TIGHTLY into my nipples for the day which wound up being about 12 hours-i kept thinking "fuck it i am just going to take them off" but i made it until 10 pm -which is when i got into bed. as always i wish this looked as painful as it was but oh well. oh, bonus of the days label showing.
i have reached that point where my nipples are staying erect just because they are so sore. i asked Mastered if we can keep this up until the end of the week so that i hurts to even have fabric rub against me. we shall see what happens.
April 16 2013
The task that Mastered assigned me last night was in his words "get dolled up with make-up, heels and the PIG NOSE" and take pictures naked and bent over and "send them to SF and say what you felt as a pig posing for Master and SF". i was not in a good place when i got this task and still am emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted for a variety of reasons, only a few of which have anything to do with this part of my life-i only mention it to explain that a) any task let alone the 3rd of the day was pushing me hard b) an open ended task that i had to think about and create was almost overwhelming to me and honestly almost reduced me to tears at my desk c) normally Mastered captions all of my photos so at least my job is done once i send the pics to him but this time i had to be creative when i simply felt i did not have it in me. So i approached this with utter dread and honestly thought of just not doing it at all and taking my chances. But after a work out, nice walk in the woods with the dog and long hot shower i felt a little more centered so i figured i would take some pictures quickly and be done with it but my nature asserted itself and i had to figure out a way to do something a little extra. I figured since i was pig in full effect i should go with a pink theme (why oh why is it impossible to find a pink pig tail butt plug?) and i am sick of always wearing black shoes because they go with all my normal gear so i started to get a little lively when i pulled out my neon pink shoes AND THEN I REMEMBERED MY NEON PINK VELVET JACKET. Oh it was on then!! i had my theme, Mastereds Pig Ready for a Night Out! As you can see i had some fun with it after all. I couldn't fit "what i felt as a pig posing for Master and SF" in the comments section of the pics on SF because, of course, i am too verbose. But here i can say that even though i HATE the pig nose i always get a rush out of taking these pics be they humiliating, sexy, fun, or painful. For me the lines have now blurred i don't even know what is humiliating anymore-are these? Sexy? i honestly don't know anymore-i know i like to show myself and no matter what other things i am thinking or feeling i always like to feel like i am doing something that Mastered will like and behind that i like knowing that many on SF will be watching and i am aware of that with every pic i take - that what i do is "out there" for all, i don't think it makes me work harder but it does make me more excited. I am posting the series here because i don't think all will make SF and i kind of see them as a story (the story of a pig that cant keep her clothes on-LOL).
well who would g\have thought it-they posted them all.
April 15 2013
Hello all, i had a serious topic i wanted to work out here tonight but my troll has put me in an even worse mood and Mastered gave me a task that is going to keep me up until 1 as it is. So just a quicky tonight and it is not an original photo BUT! i know a lot of people are not VIP members on SF so they only get the thumbnail pictures. I want to repost one of the task pictures because it shows some what of a pain face that got cropped out at SF and i thought you sadists might enjoy it.
April 12 2013
i mentioned last night that i have about 250 daily visitors, some days more, some days less. But i thought it might be fun to show the global distribution, this doesn't account for every visit, i think some countries don't register but it is the vast majority:
United States
|
15180
|
United Kingdom
|
3821
|
Germany
|
1782
|
Canada
|
1372
|
Netherlands
|
779
|
Italy
|
703
|
Australia
|
670
|
France
|
570
|
Denmark
|
354
|
Romania
I think this means i qualify as an international slut! |
143
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April 11 2013
There is an entry i have been wanting to write but i have been hesitating...i am not sure why...maybe because what i want to write about is real ways that my behaviors are changing, sometimes involuntarily and not just for a given time frame..i know that Mastered is happy about it, as am i, but i am worried that others will...not so much judge me but that it will be something that turns people off. i don't know who most of the people who come here to read and to see are but i do know there are about 250 of you and i don't want to lose any ones interest. So sometimes i don't post things for that reason, not many things, but some. But i guess that is the heart of the matter-that is just a round about way of saying i feel shame and my quest, my mission is to be shameless, if behaviors that come naturally to me now cause people to feel disgust well i need to embrace that. As long as Mastered is happy then it doesn't matter. i feel more right than i ever have. Now! with all that mysterious set up what i talk about will probably be fairly anti climatic but.....maybe not.
uuuummmmmm where to start? Of course you know that quite a bit of my training revolves around piss control and that something in me really responds to that. i wonder if it is because i have always had animals and house breaking is such an central part of animal ownership? i mentioned before that i do know part of it is because i always had total privacy in this area and have been uber discreet about bathroom stuff so it is like my last bastion of privacy. But whatever the reason it effects me so deeply in terms of making me feel "less than" (which is a good thing) doesn't really matter, what matters is that it does. Okay, i think i am babbling to delay..
There are rules and tasks regarding my pissing behavior that you may know: on Wednesdays i wear my diaper all day and night and only piss when master orders me to, during the nights on diaper day Master doesn't control when i go- i just piss when i need to and overnight i sleep in a diaper-i don't go while i am asleep but first thing in the morning i piss in the diaper because that makes it exactly 24 hours of diaper wearing. I think i have mentioned i am to piss in my pig pen 5 times a week. And lastly i know i mentioned that every day a week ago i had to piss myself in my clothes (no diaper).
Now for the things you don't know: as a task recently i had to walk down a side walk (i was wearing a dress) pissing as i walk leaving a splattered trail of piss behind me. And here is the big one..the rule i haven't wanted to tell anyone..at home i am no longer allowed to use the toilet. I have a slop bucket that i piss into now. i still go into the bathroom but now i squat over my bucket to piss when i am at home.
When Mastered told me that that was how it was going to be for me from now on, i was shell shocked, BUT i cant lie, i was happy..i don't want to be treated like a person, i don't want the same consideration. i think it is absolutely appropriate that the toilet is forbidden for me. i have dreamed of a Master that would take me to this place and now i have him and i am right where i want to be, behaving as i want to be. There is a picture at the bottom of this entry of me and my slop bucket and i honestly LOVE looking at it, it has become my favorite picture, i find it to be so powerful and my desire to show it to people is probably what kept pushing me to write a journal explaining it. As far as literally pissing in public onto the sidewalk - that was the height of taboo and abandon to me. i mean imagine it!!! Hearing the splashes, feeling it run down my legs, seeing the puddle on the ground under me (that is an amazing visual to me) and all right out in the open where anyone could have seen and known!!!!!! Sadly that is as close as i will get to being led on a leash by Mastered into the yard to squat and piss in public like an animal. Oh how awesome that would be, these women who already hate me, looking down on me even more, having to put up with the looks of derision and superiority and having to know inside that this is what i wanted and asked for..mmmmm that thought sends tingles through me...oh well.
Now i have confessed all of my tasks and rules but there is more. So here is the second part of my confession. I think because subconsciously my brain is confused about when and where i am supposed to be going to the bathroom now it sends signals at the wrong times. For instance..last week after i had done my last time of pissing in my clothes and i was still in wet pants (yes pants dammit it-casual friday), i was doing the dishes and i actually caught myself about to just piss again standing right there. Like my brain just decided that when i feel like going i should just go and it sent the signal. I realized what i was about to do in time but it would have been the most natural thing in the world to just piss right where i was. This type of thing i am particularly susceptible to when i am already wet, i guess feeling the wet clothes triggers something in my head. Here is the worst part of my confession: A couple of weeks ago immediately following diaper day and night. i was sleeping and had one of those very realistic dreams where you are trying to figure out if you are awake or dreaming and i wet the bed. i remember the struggle of trying to figure out if i was awake or asleep, trying to figure out if i should go..i remember those thoughts clearly and, i believe, because i have been changing years (43) of training and patterns so drastically lately where i normal would have made the right call in this case i made the wrong call. i have never done that before so i can only ascribe that to what i am going to start calling my piss confusion.
It took me a little while to confess both of those things to Mastered. I also confessed that although i have no desire to take this behavior to the extreme i like that i have this high functioning brain, but lurking right there underneath it is a pig brain, waiting for me to get lazy and to take over. When i told Mastered all of this he was supportive in his very special way- "you have become what you wanted PIG! Like, I said before I just pulled it out of you, you dumb fucking PIG CUNT! Proud of you!". i like the feeling of being just a base animal, unable to control my own body without Mastereds help. Clearly it is not realistic to embrace this fully and i need to be on guard about slipping too far but the point i am at right now is perfect for me...walking the wire between total abandon and being realistic.
whew-okay-done- i agonized about sharing the wetting the bed thing but, again, what held me back? Shame. And even though Mastered does allow for some things to be between only us i want to smash my shame impulses, destroy that reaction, until i never feel it again, just acceptance that this is what i am on such a level that it doesn't even occur to me not to openly tell any detail about me or my behavior. But i do hope i didn't lose anyone along this particular part of my journey!!!
I have captured most of these moments on film, so here is my journey in pictures:
uuuummmmmm where to start? Of course you know that quite a bit of my training revolves around piss control and that something in me really responds to that. i wonder if it is because i have always had animals and house breaking is such an central part of animal ownership? i mentioned before that i do know part of it is because i always had total privacy in this area and have been uber discreet about bathroom stuff so it is like my last bastion of privacy. But whatever the reason it effects me so deeply in terms of making me feel "less than" (which is a good thing) doesn't really matter, what matters is that it does. Okay, i think i am babbling to delay..
There are rules and tasks regarding my pissing behavior that you may know: on Wednesdays i wear my diaper all day and night and only piss when master orders me to, during the nights on diaper day Master doesn't control when i go- i just piss when i need to and overnight i sleep in a diaper-i don't go while i am asleep but first thing in the morning i piss in the diaper because that makes it exactly 24 hours of diaper wearing. I think i have mentioned i am to piss in my pig pen 5 times a week. And lastly i know i mentioned that every day a week ago i had to piss myself in my clothes (no diaper).
Now for the things you don't know: as a task recently i had to walk down a side walk (i was wearing a dress) pissing as i walk leaving a splattered trail of piss behind me. And here is the big one..the rule i haven't wanted to tell anyone..at home i am no longer allowed to use the toilet. I have a slop bucket that i piss into now. i still go into the bathroom but now i squat over my bucket to piss when i am at home.
When Mastered told me that that was how it was going to be for me from now on, i was shell shocked, BUT i cant lie, i was happy..i don't want to be treated like a person, i don't want the same consideration. i think it is absolutely appropriate that the toilet is forbidden for me. i have dreamed of a Master that would take me to this place and now i have him and i am right where i want to be, behaving as i want to be. There is a picture at the bottom of this entry of me and my slop bucket and i honestly LOVE looking at it, it has become my favorite picture, i find it to be so powerful and my desire to show it to people is probably what kept pushing me to write a journal explaining it. As far as literally pissing in public onto the sidewalk - that was the height of taboo and abandon to me. i mean imagine it!!! Hearing the splashes, feeling it run down my legs, seeing the puddle on the ground under me (that is an amazing visual to me) and all right out in the open where anyone could have seen and known!!!!!! Sadly that is as close as i will get to being led on a leash by Mastered into the yard to squat and piss in public like an animal. Oh how awesome that would be, these women who already hate me, looking down on me even more, having to put up with the looks of derision and superiority and having to know inside that this is what i wanted and asked for..mmmmm that thought sends tingles through me...oh well.
Now i have confessed all of my tasks and rules but there is more. So here is the second part of my confession. I think because subconsciously my brain is confused about when and where i am supposed to be going to the bathroom now it sends signals at the wrong times. For instance..last week after i had done my last time of pissing in my clothes and i was still in wet pants (yes pants dammit it-casual friday), i was doing the dishes and i actually caught myself about to just piss again standing right there. Like my brain just decided that when i feel like going i should just go and it sent the signal. I realized what i was about to do in time but it would have been the most natural thing in the world to just piss right where i was. This type of thing i am particularly susceptible to when i am already wet, i guess feeling the wet clothes triggers something in my head. Here is the worst part of my confession: A couple of weeks ago immediately following diaper day and night. i was sleeping and had one of those very realistic dreams where you are trying to figure out if you are awake or dreaming and i wet the bed. i remember the struggle of trying to figure out if i was awake or asleep, trying to figure out if i should go..i remember those thoughts clearly and, i believe, because i have been changing years (43) of training and patterns so drastically lately where i normal would have made the right call in this case i made the wrong call. i have never done that before so i can only ascribe that to what i am going to start calling my piss confusion.
It took me a little while to confess both of those things to Mastered. I also confessed that although i have no desire to take this behavior to the extreme i like that i have this high functioning brain, but lurking right there underneath it is a pig brain, waiting for me to get lazy and to take over. When i told Mastered all of this he was supportive in his very special way- "you have become what you wanted PIG! Like, I said before I just pulled it out of you, you dumb fucking PIG CUNT! Proud of you!". i like the feeling of being just a base animal, unable to control my own body without Mastereds help. Clearly it is not realistic to embrace this fully and i need to be on guard about slipping too far but the point i am at right now is perfect for me...walking the wire between total abandon and being realistic.
whew-okay-done- i agonized about sharing the wetting the bed thing but, again, what held me back? Shame. And even though Mastered does allow for some things to be between only us i want to smash my shame impulses, destroy that reaction, until i never feel it again, just acceptance that this is what i am on such a level that it doesn't even occur to me not to openly tell any detail about me or my behavior. But i do hope i didn't lose anyone along this particular part of my journey!!!
I have captured most of these moments on film, so here is my journey in pictures:
It is now the next day, i wrote the above last night and wanted to give myself time to review and make sure i was communicating what i wanted to, plus something was kind of bugging me. i felt like there was a step i had missed, that this wasn't quite comprehensive in terms of my descent. i felt like this story needed to be taken one last step and i know Mastered wouldn't order something like what i felt like it needed because it involves my job. So as a present, an offering of sorts to him, and a desire to be fully immersed and an active participant in my own degradation today at work, instead of using the restroom i found a nice little niche out by the dumpsters, and in a fashion appropriate for a pig that is where i pissed today....out by the smelly dirty trash.
April 10 2013
Generally throughout the day i get IMs and texts from Master. Generally any time i see his name pop up on my screen or my phone i am riveted, i stop mid conversation and respond, i wait for those messages. Even the briefest message can make my day. Sometimes all i get is one word "pig", even better sometimes i only get two words "my pig". Sometimes we talk about things-i asked this week why the exercise pictures seemed to be popular since they weren't what i would consider sexy. Sometimes i get orders, " go lick the toilet", "clip your cunt shut". BUT sometimes, rarely, i am distracted, i am rushing to a meeting and i may not be paying the strictest attention. That happened this week, Monday i think. Mastered ordered me to go lick the toilet, which usually happens around 11 and i saw that in the message as i glanced at my phone but i missed the next part of his message which also said to icyhot my clit every 2 hours. Later when he checked in with me i admitted that i hadn't seen it so obviously had not done it. I, of course, got a punishment.
To back track a little i had recently been doing some research on ginger and wanted to try it. I had gone out and purchaced a "hand" of ginger and was going to do some kind of surprise task for Master over the weekend but did not have time, so i had had this ginger for about a week. I mentioned this to Mastered and my punishment was to use the ginger..no real rules he just wanted me to use it. i, of course, said i would do it for 20 minutes (about the length of time the pain lasts according to the articles). Well i get home very excited to try, i peeled the root, shaped it a little and bent over and inserted it into my ass. One of the things i read was that you can ferment ginger which makes it stronger (fermenting happens basically by keeping it in a dark dry place-guess where i kept mine). One other thing i learned from the articles was that clenching makes it burn worse. With those two things in mind once i had it in me of course i had no choice, due to my loose asshole, but to clench. And the burning started almost instantly....so much so that i am pretty sure the root had fermented and was at super strength. The pain is hard to explain...different than the icyhot..that is a true burning sensation..the ginger, although burning is a component, is almost like supercharged tingling..like tiny tiny needles poking you at the speed of light. i took out my ginger plug after 5 minutes. i was in a lot of pain but i think more than that i was just scared of the unknown..like how much more the pain would increase, how long it would last once i took it out. The answer is that it last about 15 minutes longer. Once it was out and my fear calmed down i did find myself clenching my ass to increase the residual burn/tingle.... just kind of playing with the sensations. After i realized i caved into my fear i was pretty disappointed in myself so i put the ginger back in my ass. But by this time it had been peeled for half an hour or so, so it wasn't very strong.. i could have gone back at it with the peeler (when you first peel it-it is very moist) but it was late so i just stopped. One other thing that i read was that ginger is supposed to make a woman very horny and i will say that even through my fear and pain from almost the moment i put the ginger in me my cunt was literally throbbing and pounding so i think that is true. I want to play with this more, push it harder. Of course when i mentioned that this was tough all Mastered said was "wait until you have to try tabasco", for some reason that scares me even more!! Here are a couple of pictures of my adventure:
To back track a little i had recently been doing some research on ginger and wanted to try it. I had gone out and purchaced a "hand" of ginger and was going to do some kind of surprise task for Master over the weekend but did not have time, so i had had this ginger for about a week. I mentioned this to Mastered and my punishment was to use the ginger..no real rules he just wanted me to use it. i, of course, said i would do it for 20 minutes (about the length of time the pain lasts according to the articles). Well i get home very excited to try, i peeled the root, shaped it a little and bent over and inserted it into my ass. One of the things i read was that you can ferment ginger which makes it stronger (fermenting happens basically by keeping it in a dark dry place-guess where i kept mine). One other thing i learned from the articles was that clenching makes it burn worse. With those two things in mind once i had it in me of course i had no choice, due to my loose asshole, but to clench. And the burning started almost instantly....so much so that i am pretty sure the root had fermented and was at super strength. The pain is hard to explain...different than the icyhot..that is a true burning sensation..the ginger, although burning is a component, is almost like supercharged tingling..like tiny tiny needles poking you at the speed of light. i took out my ginger plug after 5 minutes. i was in a lot of pain but i think more than that i was just scared of the unknown..like how much more the pain would increase, how long it would last once i took it out. The answer is that it last about 15 minutes longer. Once it was out and my fear calmed down i did find myself clenching my ass to increase the residual burn/tingle.... just kind of playing with the sensations. After i realized i caved into my fear i was pretty disappointed in myself so i put the ginger back in my ass. But by this time it had been peeled for half an hour or so, so it wasn't very strong.. i could have gone back at it with the peeler (when you first peel it-it is very moist) but it was late so i just stopped. One other thing that i read was that ginger is supposed to make a woman very horny and i will say that even through my fear and pain from almost the moment i put the ginger in me my cunt was literally throbbing and pounding so i think that is true. I want to play with this more, push it harder. Of course when i mentioned that this was tough all Mastered said was "wait until you have to try tabasco", for some reason that scares me even more!! Here are a couple of pictures of my adventure:
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