August 27, 2013

i was thinking about words today. The words that Mastered uses have so much power over me, i love when they take me from my normal state of mind to a place where if i could i would hit the ground in a second and be face on the ground, ass up, wiggling and oinking for his cock. Today my slut label was skank. This is a word that could easily be used in polite company but even so it was electric to me. i have said before that slut and whore don't really have power with me because they are supposed to be negative but i don't see them like that.  i don't think either of those words have anything to do at all with your character. i could go on for ever about how ridiculous it is to associate a woman sexuality with who they are as a person. LOL but i know this is not the right audience for that conversation. But i had to explain it to contrast the words that do have power for me. Words like skank, garbage, scum. They do carry a judgment that i accept as valid, not so much about whether you profit from sex or how many men you have sex with, but about your style, your class, your intellect, your pride, your dignity. For example i used to have one night stands but only with men that i knew were specifically interested in ME, that is not a skank. But since i have been with Mastered i have had sex with people that just wanted to stick their cock in something, i have let someone that i am not attracted to piss on me, that is a skank. That i do it to please another man just makes it even worse.  At the snap of Mastereds fingers my dignity is out the window...for god sake i OINK PUBLICLY....that doesn't make me a slut or a whore, that makes me something much much worse in my eyes: a woman run by men, only concerned about sex, i sacrifice my values and ideals about women and respect  ( that i truly fervently and passionately believe in) because MASTERED MAKES MY CUNT THROB AND RUN.  That is a piece of garbage, that is a skank, that is a dumb pig.

Then there is the crassness factor- words like pissing and shitting.  In fact awhile ago Mastered called me fuckface and it too was electric. On the face of it there is nothing sexy about that, it is inelegant and crass and ugly. But i loved it, because no matter how much i like to believe i am a sophisticated intellectual there is a large part of my personality that absolutely revels in the crassness-i catch myself thinking during vanilla times in the terms i use in during bdsm times-cunt, pighole, tits, cock-that is my vocabulary now. i have written in all seriousness on my pig board that my goal is to learn to love licking assholes. ummm yeah that's real elegant. Mastered sends me to, in his term "edge" on the toilet rim, when i talk about it i call it humping the toilet because "edging" is a more discrete, or euphemistic word for what i do. Humping is crass, humping is undignified and ridiculous-and that is what i am, what i want to be. An object of derision, disrespect, dehumanized.  i have said before in other blogs i don't deserve nice words, the things i want and the things i am willing to do make nice words like, sex, breasts, even pussy inappropriate for me. i deserve and want the crassest, most vulgar, most insulting words possible! And those words are not always "dirty", they can be as innocuous as "lowlife" or "little girl" (which to me is insulting) or "dumb pig".  Those words attack the parts of me i am proud and that is what rocks my world to the core. When he says those kind of words i go into a frenzy, able only to think of my basest desires and the horrible things i will do to please him. Those words make me want to grovel in front of him while he laughs-that would truly make me happy.

(i started off the week with sore nipples from my weight swinging and i wanted to keep them sensitive and sore so i have been using my suckers every night-keeps them nice and erect too-cant show that off at work but off hours i have been shameless, after tonight and my tank top i am sure i am the local grocery store skank)