Just because who doesn't like a good cucumber in the cunt shot? It's a classic. Is it wrong that I am going to cut it up and put it on my sandwich now?
Task photos
I wanted to post these here as well since they get cut off if you can only see the thumbnail on SF..there are more pics on yesterdays post as well. Enjoy
May 27 2013
i was thinking that people may think that i haven't been doing tasks lately. Actually every 4th weekend Mastered gives me off, which is just another reason that i have so much respect for him. You cant be up on someone constantly, people need a break, a breather even sluts and slaves and, yes, pigs. This can all get overwhelming sometimes and that break lets me relax a little and regroup. i imagine it like taking off a pair of shoes you love but hurt your feet, its a luxurious feeling. But your excited to put them back on and look super hot again. Anyway last weekend was my 4th weekend so no task.
This weekend i did have a task but it wasn't a typical task, i just had to take a series of pictures in slave position 1 and 2 in various states of dress. You can see one of the results on my new profile pic. Most of them wont be able to be posted on SF because there is not enough of a BDSM element but Mastered will have me try when he feels like it. But once he gave me the task and left it kind of open ended outside of some required shots i got a little creative. I was so proud of my shots i started showing them off at a bar last night-yes the same bar as my last adventure. i showed them to a friend and he agreed they were hot, then i showed them to a random guy who was sitting next to us and chatting with us. He was impressed. So impressed he got interested in me. i wound up going back to his place and sucking his cock. Either i am still suffering writers block or it just wasn't as exciting as last time. It was very late so i did only suck his cock, asked him to cum on my face-which he did- and then left. So yet another regular at that bar knows that i am a slut-pig. i am waiting and looking forward to the day that whispering starts when i walk into that bar. Had i been thinking i should have asked to blow him in the alley or the parking lot, i really want to feel that cheap street whore feeling BUT, sadly, i did not think about it.
Mastered said i can post any of the pictures i want here, so i thought i would post the series that was all my idea and that got me so worked up i went a sucked a strangers cock.
This weekend i did have a task but it wasn't a typical task, i just had to take a series of pictures in slave position 1 and 2 in various states of dress. You can see one of the results on my new profile pic. Most of them wont be able to be posted on SF because there is not enough of a BDSM element but Mastered will have me try when he feels like it. But once he gave me the task and left it kind of open ended outside of some required shots i got a little creative. I was so proud of my shots i started showing them off at a bar last night-yes the same bar as my last adventure. i showed them to a friend and he agreed they were hot, then i showed them to a random guy who was sitting next to us and chatting with us. He was impressed. So impressed he got interested in me. i wound up going back to his place and sucking his cock. Either i am still suffering writers block or it just wasn't as exciting as last time. It was very late so i did only suck his cock, asked him to cum on my face-which he did- and then left. So yet another regular at that bar knows that i am a slut-pig. i am waiting and looking forward to the day that whispering starts when i walk into that bar. Had i been thinking i should have asked to blow him in the alley or the parking lot, i really want to feel that cheap street whore feeling BUT, sadly, i did not think about it.
Mastered said i can post any of the pictures i want here, so i thought i would post the series that was all my idea and that got me so worked up i went a sucked a strangers cock.
May 21 2013a
Mastered is going away for a while in a month or so (less i
think). This happened last year as well. When he leaves for these extended
(over a week) periods of time he leaves me with what i have taken to calling a
"guest Master", although i don't think i would be allowed to call
them that-but i am not sure. At any rate this is a person that takes over the
his job in whatever capacity they are able. Check -ins, outfits choice, tasks,
daily maintenance. It is a weird feeling answering to a new person, not so much
the exposure to someone else because, really, what do i have left to be shy
about but adjusting to another tone/voice or set of expectations of behavior.
It seems to be the pattern that a month or so before Mastered leaves he lets me
know who it will be and they integrate into our conversation somewhat.
Last years guest was a person diametrically opposite of Master, a Daddy so to speak. He was actually responsible for the task that resulted in me having golf balls around the house for Mastered to torment me with now. It all went pretty smoothly, i think because he was less severe (but, perhaps, a tad bit more formal), than Mastered so my normal standards of behavior were sufficient. He liked to have me write stories, which was really nice because that was before i had this journal. This was also pre-pig but i think that would not have been his style so i am not actually sure he would have wanted the job now. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him and in fact i think he would be awesome for someone looking specifically for a Daddy but i don't think the level of degradation i have sunk to would be his cup of tea. But even though my behavior-i think- was fine i still had to figure out subtle likes and dislikes and alter what i talked about or what i emphasized and how i did that. That is one of the interesting things about the "guest".
i am sure that every D/s have their own shorthand or standards-you get to know what your Master cares about and what is behaviors or words are superfluous. i am fortunate in that, although Mastered is not a big talker and i am certainly more wordy, we are both pretty direct, non-flowery speakers. Also as i mentioned to someone recently-declarations, begging and certainly whining doesn't really have any effect on him so i don't bother with much of that- he really just wants to hear "Yes Sir" and know that i am doing what he says. (Everything i just wrote was a massive generalization so, of course, there are exceptions to it.) Ironically the way that i some times, feebly, try to register my unhappiness is by ONLY saying "Yes Sir", which probably just makes him happier-lol. But my point is, there is not much room for misunderstanding partially because we communicate similarly.
But that "shorthand" or those habits can be interpreted entirely differently by a new person-the "do this" or "show this" part of interacting with someone new is easy, those are clear directives. But it is adapting to the nuances of their desires and communicating successfully that can be jarring. Which is my way of segueing into discussing this years "guest", who has been a frequent commenter on my media. i have always enjoyed, from his first comment on pictures way back, how he addressed me or rather didn't address ME but merely commented upon the meat he was looking at. i felt that he was very similar to Mastered. But as time passed i feel like i got to know him thru his comments and we had a pretty good back and forth. But..and here is the thing...he was "just" a commenter, as long as i was polite Mastered didn't really care what i said and my commenter didn't have any say in anything that i did so i teased, i was casual. But now he has a say and it is funny how quickly he took to correcting my speech. i found myself kind of taken aback by the fact that my behavior would have to change (i know DUH) and a little surprised by the aggressiveness with which he took to his new role. i don't know why i should be surprised this is what i saw in him initially that made him one of my favs. But it was a good mind check for me because at first i was offended by his presumption-it was a knee jerk reaction-because i realize now that i had felt in control of previous interactions simply, i guess, by virtue of the fact that i could respond how ever i liked-blandly if i wasn't in the mood to write, tantalizing, teasing if i was feeling it. So this is showing me pretty forcefully that there are always little areas that i strive to control even when i don't realize it. Another thing that it has kind of reopened for me is the issue of being seen as an individual person. As i said this person and i had developed what i considered a rapport and i would have said he was fond of ME (the capital letter ME) but since i have been available to interact on a private level he has disabused me of that notion (without specifically trying) by the way he has addressed me. My first reaction was to be a little hurt but, now i like it, yet another reminder that i am here just for entertainment-that i am a body, holes, tits- not anything else that anyone is interested in when it comes right down to it.
i am getting tired but the last thing i wanted to mention was the shifting paradigm of approval seeking. All of this comes back to Mastered and making him proud. The last time there were things that irritated me, made me angry even, were different and therefore wrong as i am sure there will be this time but in every action and reaction i wanted to have the "guest" think well, not of me, but of Mastered and what his training has accomplished and THAT is what made me feel successful: making someone else look good-and this is coming from someone who made their boss cry today-LOL!
Now all of that said-i have high hopes for this "guest", not only has it already served to bring me low a couple of times by reminding me of the source of my value but the more i interact with him the more i am convinced that he will A) be consistant with Mastereds ...ideals-might be the right word and B) have diabolical and degrading and painful addtions to my current training. So...fun for everybody, right?
Last years guest was a person diametrically opposite of Master, a Daddy so to speak. He was actually responsible for the task that resulted in me having golf balls around the house for Mastered to torment me with now. It all went pretty smoothly, i think because he was less severe (but, perhaps, a tad bit more formal), than Mastered so my normal standards of behavior were sufficient. He liked to have me write stories, which was really nice because that was before i had this journal. This was also pre-pig but i think that would not have been his style so i am not actually sure he would have wanted the job now. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him and in fact i think he would be awesome for someone looking specifically for a Daddy but i don't think the level of degradation i have sunk to would be his cup of tea. But even though my behavior-i think- was fine i still had to figure out subtle likes and dislikes and alter what i talked about or what i emphasized and how i did that. That is one of the interesting things about the "guest".
i am sure that every D/s have their own shorthand or standards-you get to know what your Master cares about and what is behaviors or words are superfluous. i am fortunate in that, although Mastered is not a big talker and i am certainly more wordy, we are both pretty direct, non-flowery speakers. Also as i mentioned to someone recently-declarations, begging and certainly whining doesn't really have any effect on him so i don't bother with much of that- he really just wants to hear "Yes Sir" and know that i am doing what he says. (Everything i just wrote was a massive generalization so, of course, there are exceptions to it.) Ironically the way that i some times, feebly, try to register my unhappiness is by ONLY saying "Yes Sir", which probably just makes him happier-lol. But my point is, there is not much room for misunderstanding partially because we communicate similarly.
But that "shorthand" or those habits can be interpreted entirely differently by a new person-the "do this" or "show this" part of interacting with someone new is easy, those are clear directives. But it is adapting to the nuances of their desires and communicating successfully that can be jarring. Which is my way of segueing into discussing this years "guest", who has been a frequent commenter on my media. i have always enjoyed, from his first comment on pictures way back, how he addressed me or rather didn't address ME but merely commented upon the meat he was looking at. i felt that he was very similar to Mastered. But as time passed i feel like i got to know him thru his comments and we had a pretty good back and forth. But..and here is the thing...he was "just" a commenter, as long as i was polite Mastered didn't really care what i said and my commenter didn't have any say in anything that i did so i teased, i was casual. But now he has a say and it is funny how quickly he took to correcting my speech. i found myself kind of taken aback by the fact that my behavior would have to change (i know DUH) and a little surprised by the aggressiveness with which he took to his new role. i don't know why i should be surprised this is what i saw in him initially that made him one of my favs. But it was a good mind check for me because at first i was offended by his presumption-it was a knee jerk reaction-because i realize now that i had felt in control of previous interactions simply, i guess, by virtue of the fact that i could respond how ever i liked-blandly if i wasn't in the mood to write, tantalizing, teasing if i was feeling it. So this is showing me pretty forcefully that there are always little areas that i strive to control even when i don't realize it. Another thing that it has kind of reopened for me is the issue of being seen as an individual person. As i said this person and i had developed what i considered a rapport and i would have said he was fond of ME (the capital letter ME) but since i have been available to interact on a private level he has disabused me of that notion (without specifically trying) by the way he has addressed me. My first reaction was to be a little hurt but, now i like it, yet another reminder that i am here just for entertainment-that i am a body, holes, tits- not anything else that anyone is interested in when it comes right down to it.
i am getting tired but the last thing i wanted to mention was the shifting paradigm of approval seeking. All of this comes back to Mastered and making him proud. The last time there were things that irritated me, made me angry even, were different and therefore wrong as i am sure there will be this time but in every action and reaction i wanted to have the "guest" think well, not of me, but of Mastered and what his training has accomplished and THAT is what made me feel successful: making someone else look good-and this is coming from someone who made their boss cry today-LOL!
Now all of that said-i have high hopes for this "guest", not only has it already served to bring me low a couple of times by reminding me of the source of my value but the more i interact with him the more i am convinced that he will A) be consistant with Mastereds ...ideals-might be the right word and B) have diabolical and degrading and painful addtions to my current training. So...fun for everybody, right?
May 20 2013
Last week i had a bit of fun and torment, don't they always go hand in hand? First, earlier last week Mastered had me masturbate, but only by rubbing my clit and you know i was dying to have my fingers in my cunt BUT it wasn't allowed!
Then as if that wasn't bad enough on Friday i had to wear my remote control egg vibrator all day(you can see the pink remote and the wire into my pants)!! The night before i discovered that my nice silent one was broken so i had to use my back up egg (yes i have a back up) which is louder so i had to bury it deep inside me. But after a couple of hours i tugged it down so that it was sitting right at the opening of my cunt and hitting my clit-i just had to cross my legs hard and muffle the noise if anyone came around me. It was a looooong day
Then as if that wasn't bad enough on Friday i had to wear my remote control egg vibrator all day(you can see the pink remote and the wire into my pants)!! The night before i discovered that my nice silent one was broken so i had to use my back up egg (yes i have a back up) which is louder so i had to bury it deep inside me. But after a couple of hours i tugged it down so that it was sitting right at the opening of my cunt and hitting my clit-i just had to cross my legs hard and muffle the noise if anyone came around me. It was a looooong day
Since that was Friday, of course i went out after work and had a couple of drinks and by the time i got home i was desperate BUT i am pretty obedient and just stuck with my normal ass fucking and left my aching cunt alone.
Then after all of this (and a little begging on my part) Master let me do something i haven't done in literally months and which is my favorite thing and the one sure way to make me cum. And cum i did in about 3 minutes!
Reposted blog "slave Js first time"
i am reposting this old blog from SF in answer to a question on my last journal "1) I wonder how you got to become what you are ...". This same question was asked of me on SF and i asked Mastered if i could answer it and he said i could but ....get this....was i sure i wanted people to know all of that about me! hahahahahaha guess we all know the answer to that now. This is pretty much the story of my first experience. There should be a second part that i may have to add about my evolution under Mastered (although what don't you already know about that??) because these 2 relationships are like bookends-my first one was almost perfection and then years of dissatisfaction and now i have Mastered and i think it is clear it is close to perfect for me. Anyway i hope you enjoy:
i don't have a very exciting story about how i got started. i don't know if you want to hear how i developed my appetites or my first experience so i will generally address both.
When i was 9 or 10 i found my fathers stash of porn, but it wasn't pictures or magazines, they were books (and i was already a voracious reader. to this day my favorite form of porn is written). They were all bdsm stories so the very first things i ever read or viewed about sex was about women being degraded and humiliated. i don't know how much reading serious hard core stuff when i was that young had to do with it or if it is just an innate desire i was born with but either way bdsm fantasies were ALL i have ever had/have.
When i was first having sex i would hint to the guys that i was into this kind of stuff, but my partners and i were so young and stupid that although we knew it was tantalizing nobody really knew what to do about it-that was ages 15-20. Then i met David. We were 21, we had dated for a couple of weeks and were already having sex but one night after only being together for a couple of weeks....and i will never ever forget this night...we were doing it doggie style and he started talking dirty to me like no one had ever really talked before-he asked me if i loved his cock-he would pull out of me- and tell me to beg for it before he would slide into me again. This is all pretty small stuff from our perspective now but for a young woman for the first time getting a taste of what she wanted it was amazing and i definitely showed that i was VERY into it. Then he took it up a notch, the next time he pulled out of me he told me to bark like a dog!!!!! That is a hard thing to do, even now making animal noises is one of my least favorite things to do. But there i was: 21, had never really done anything like that so even though i was incredibly mindlessly turned on i refused. HERE is what this 21 year old inexperienced man did that set the bar high for anyone trying to dominate me later: when i didn't bark like a dog, he moved away from me and got off the bed and started to get dressed without a word. SERIOUSLY??? a 21 year old guy was walking away from MY tight dripping hot cunt? To this day, considering how easy it is to derail "dominant" men just by throwing some pussy in their face, it amazes me he was able to do that. But it worked, i begged him to come back and before he gave me his cock again i barked like a dog and for the rest of the time he was fucking me that night when ever he told me to do it i did. From there we went further, he was the first to whip me with a belt, the first to whip my tits, first nipple clamps, first anal, he loved inserting things into my holes. He would tie me up and just fill my holes with whatever was at hand. Our sex was close to the best i have ever had. Emotionally we handled the situation horribly but that's another story.
The really amazing thing about this, to me, is that neither one of us had ever expressed this side of ourselves outside of our fantasies but the way we came together was so organic and effortless and we went pretty far, not just some spanking and dirty talk, but real D/s stuff. i think i am a true slut by nature but he was the most true and natural Dom i have known. The way he handled me, dominated me was with absolute authority and absolute confidence from the start, that is very impressive to me especially after years of meeting older more experience Doms that were so weak in comparison. We have remained semi-friends over the past 20 years and we talked maybe 2 years ago about how neither one of us have ever been able to duplicate the passion or the naturalness of the sexual relationship we shared. The problem for me is that i was never able to find a Dom or a master who possessed the absolute authority that David had. That night became the bar that i measured so called "dominant" men by, it became sort of a test: if a man claimed to be dominant and told me to do something immediately before or during sex i would subtly refuse, offering another sex act or saying "please just fuck me, i cant wait to feel you inside me blah blah blah" and if he didn't notice what i had done or chose to let it slide and fucked me anyway he failed and my submission to him would be off the table for good. It is shocking and sad how many failed. With one (and a half) exceptions i have not had any other truly successful bdsm interactions until now.
i don't have a very exciting story about how i got started. i don't know if you want to hear how i developed my appetites or my first experience so i will generally address both.
When i was 9 or 10 i found my fathers stash of porn, but it wasn't pictures or magazines, they were books (and i was already a voracious reader. to this day my favorite form of porn is written). They were all bdsm stories so the very first things i ever read or viewed about sex was about women being degraded and humiliated. i don't know how much reading serious hard core stuff when i was that young had to do with it or if it is just an innate desire i was born with but either way bdsm fantasies were ALL i have ever had/have.
When i was first having sex i would hint to the guys that i was into this kind of stuff, but my partners and i were so young and stupid that although we knew it was tantalizing nobody really knew what to do about it-that was ages 15-20. Then i met David. We were 21, we had dated for a couple of weeks and were already having sex but one night after only being together for a couple of weeks....and i will never ever forget this night...we were doing it doggie style and he started talking dirty to me like no one had ever really talked before-he asked me if i loved his cock-he would pull out of me- and tell me to beg for it before he would slide into me again. This is all pretty small stuff from our perspective now but for a young woman for the first time getting a taste of what she wanted it was amazing and i definitely showed that i was VERY into it. Then he took it up a notch, the next time he pulled out of me he told me to bark like a dog!!!!! That is a hard thing to do, even now making animal noises is one of my least favorite things to do. But there i was: 21, had never really done anything like that so even though i was incredibly mindlessly turned on i refused. HERE is what this 21 year old inexperienced man did that set the bar high for anyone trying to dominate me later: when i didn't bark like a dog, he moved away from me and got off the bed and started to get dressed without a word. SERIOUSLY??? a 21 year old guy was walking away from MY tight dripping hot cunt? To this day, considering how easy it is to derail "dominant" men just by throwing some pussy in their face, it amazes me he was able to do that. But it worked, i begged him to come back and before he gave me his cock again i barked like a dog and for the rest of the time he was fucking me that night when ever he told me to do it i did. From there we went further, he was the first to whip me with a belt, the first to whip my tits, first nipple clamps, first anal, he loved inserting things into my holes. He would tie me up and just fill my holes with whatever was at hand. Our sex was close to the best i have ever had. Emotionally we handled the situation horribly but that's another story.
The really amazing thing about this, to me, is that neither one of us had ever expressed this side of ourselves outside of our fantasies but the way we came together was so organic and effortless and we went pretty far, not just some spanking and dirty talk, but real D/s stuff. i think i am a true slut by nature but he was the most true and natural Dom i have known. The way he handled me, dominated me was with absolute authority and absolute confidence from the start, that is very impressive to me especially after years of meeting older more experience Doms that were so weak in comparison. We have remained semi-friends over the past 20 years and we talked maybe 2 years ago about how neither one of us have ever been able to duplicate the passion or the naturalness of the sexual relationship we shared. The problem for me is that i was never able to find a Dom or a master who possessed the absolute authority that David had. That night became the bar that i measured so called "dominant" men by, it became sort of a test: if a man claimed to be dominant and told me to do something immediately before or during sex i would subtly refuse, offering another sex act or saying "please just fuck me, i cant wait to feel you inside me blah blah blah" and if he didn't notice what i had done or chose to let it slide and fucked me anyway he failed and my submission to him would be off the table for good. It is shocking and sad how many failed. With one (and a half) exceptions i have not had any other truly successful bdsm interactions until now.
Looking for Inspiration
i feel like i have been ignoring my journal but i just havent had any inspiration lately. i was thinking, sometimes a phrase, or someone elses comments catches my attention and gets me thinking and inspires me. So i though, just for the fun of it, i would ask if anyone has any questions about my training or anything i have talked about before or, even, things i havent talked about before but you are curious about. It feels a little self important to do it but i thought the results might be interesting. That said, no silliness please-i can just delete the whole entry if i don't like the direction it goes in. So have at me, lets see if i am as open when i dont control the topic.
Picture for answer to question # 1:
Picture for answer to question # 1:
So far i am really glad i did this- just the 2 so far have given me ideas or reminded me of things i want to do or need to refocus on-thanks!!
May 7 2013
So i am posting a two for one tonight. On sat. i went to the Lyric Opera House to see Dreamgirls (FABULOUS) and then out downtown afterward. So i decided to whore it up a little because i thought how hot it would have been had i had one of my slut labels on last time i had my "adventure". No adventure materialized but i was ready if any had:
Then today Mastered assigned the tack bra and panty (tits and cunt lips are sore tonight) and along with it a humorous (in his view) label. i had to write it spaced oddly because my blouse could have shown it, all day i was trying to make sure i stayed covered.
Then today Mastered assigned the tack bra and panty (tits and cunt lips are sore tonight) and along with it a humorous (in his view) label. i had to write it spaced oddly because my blouse could have shown it, all day i was trying to make sure i stayed covered.
In other news i had my first oink day on Friday. i understand now why my dog wags her tail when she is happy. Let me explain....when Mastered would text me with something i liked, words that would turn me on or asked me questions about what i want and i could only respond with my two oinks it was like all this energy was building up inside me with no way to expend it. When Master says something like "Well, little dumb pig...horny for cock?" i would normal respond with something like "yes Sir for your cock, i want to beg you to fuck your pig. i wish you would fuck me hard over and over never letting me cum and then shoot your cum in my pighole so i am left dripping cum and desperate and unsatisfied". But all i could say was "oink oink", or "oink oink! oink oink!" and it left me with an actual physical feeling of momentum trapped inside my body and had this been happening in person i am SURE i would have waggled my ass, nudged, nuzzled and, i am going to say, whined just to get that tension out of my body. It was the weirdest feeling and it really was a physical feeling. It didn't take me entirely out of myself because i was at work so the prohibition wasn't entire and i am sure just the act of saying words to others diluted the experience but i now long to test this in person for a significant period of time-the head space has got to be amazing. Mastered is thinking that maybe all Fridays will be oink days-i would prefer a day where, again except for work, i would be limited to only yes or no in the regular world too. i think that would be a fuller experience and a challenge for me and Fridays are one of my going out nights so i wouldn't be able to carry it thru the entire day. But we shall see.
Now the flip side of the experience was when he said or did something that made me unhappy or that i disagreed with. These limitations actually made that easier to take. Normally i have to fight with myself, not that i will say no to anything, but i will try to register my unhappiness somehow or say something that i know he wont care about or will just irritate him. Everything came down to yes or no it was simple-no internal argument. Don't get me wrong i still might feel some way but the temptation to voice that was gone, and surprisingly that eliminated some level of stress that i get when a situation like that occurs. i think this took me to a level that i don't think even Mastered realized, it wasn't necessarily a "oh i just got gushing wet" level (although that happened) but mentally i think something like this could really mess with me (in a good way)....if you get used to thinking in simple terms of yes or no, no higher level of articulation or thought you get closer to a simple animal way of responding...hypothetically anyway. i look forward to the next oink day to see if it was just the novelty that so entranced me or if this really is as amazing an experience as i thought.
May 2 2013
i have a couple of things to talk about tonight-its been kind of a weird week or two.
But first- to finish the trifecta of zip line torture. Last night was arms and i finally get some bruising out of these ordeals. This all started last week with me wanting to do something different to my tits each night so that by the weekend they would be so sore that if the wind blew it would hurt but for a couple of reasons it evolved into this. i enjoyed this mainly because i could proudly send the videos off to Mastered knowing he would wake up to them and start his day off with proof of my devotion. But i also (in addition to the pain but i have talked about that before) love that moment right before i pull the strings, when i have to JUST DO IT. That is one thing, even in regular life, that i am pretty good at -just facing the inevitable and DOING IT. Pulling that string is actually a good metaphor for a lot of things, but i digress. Here are the pictures and vid:
Also i haven't shown my slut label for a while and Mastered likes this one so here is todays outfit:
Now to the meat and potatoes. i was assigned 2 new rules today, one i am not excited about but one has rocked my world and made me so happy. Of course i have Diaper Day on Wednesdays but now i have "Oink Day". This is a day that can happen randomly, apparently i will just wake up to an email that will notify me it is "Oink Day". When that happens i will only be able to respond to Mastered with one oink for no and two oinks for yes for that day. What this says to me is that my opinions, my thoughts are so irrelevant, so pointless to Mastered that they can be replaced with oinks. Oh to truly be a dumb pig!!!! i can not wait for this to happen, to have that feeling of frustration that i have something to say, something that i think has value but be reduced to a yes or no and worse only thru oinks. How much more forcefully can a person like me be reminded of their role than taking speech from me???? i hope i can embrace this, i hope it pushes me hard, i hope i have to hold back my tears because the realization of how little of what i say or think effects anything slaps me right across my face. Because that is what this is saying-these fine well articulated thoughts sound the same coming from me as oinks.
When Mastered calls me i am supposed to pick up the phone saying right away "Yes Sir?" or "Yes Master?", i am visualizing my cell phone sitting on my desk and showing Master calling and having to grab it and race to a place that i can pick up just oinking or will i just try to quietly do it at my desk in public? My stomach is in knots already thinking of this. i can not tell you how happy i am about this rule!! The other question, of course, is will he try to provoke me, push my buttons with things he knows i will be consumed with wanting to expound on. The thing about him is that, yes, he is harsh and there is no compromise with him-absolutely! But within those parameters he is...reasonable is not exactly the right word but straight forward...there is no guessing, there is no hyperbole and there are no games. He is not one to give me an impossible task so he can punish, he doesn't rant and rave and posture, he is always realistic in expectations and in working with real life limitations. i am saying all of that because, honestly, i think he would think it is beneath him to mess with me or try to provoke me (i could be totally wrong-lol), i think this is just what i said: a new rule he expects me to follow, no more no less. So we shall see, but i am looking forward to this new challenge, this step closer to being a dumb pig in word and deed. Who wants to bet this journal will be over flowing with all the words i don't get to say on those days?
i haven't talked about Diaper Day recently - i felt like it was well covered territory but a couple things have come up. Without going into a huge amount of detail i did not do some things i was supposed to last week - i think without realizing it i was either giving up, or trying to test some boundaries, i was definitely going thru some "changes" as they say. The upshot of this behavior was that Mastered removed himself from the situation - basically saying on wed morning don't do anything but catch up on the 3 things you haven't done, get your shit together and contact me on Friday if you manage to do that. So that would be 2 days with out contact and no daily activities -such as diaper day. At first i was just relieved but as time went by on wed i found i missed him, of course, but i specifically missed the....intimacy of DD. i never really thought of it in those terms but it is a day that, in real time, he is in control of aspects of my body even more intimate than sex..it is hard to put it in words but my dependence on him shows in stark relief that day, my submission is without condition or question on that day. So long story short i was happy when this wed rolled around, i felt i was back at home. And it was fabulous to be back. i have started to get a little brazen about the diapers. i don't know if the brand i use changed something or what but they are a little noisy now and i like that, i like the reminder, the embarrassment of knowing what that noise is as i move (but still feeling pretty safe because, seriously, who hears crinkling and thinks "someone is wearing diapers"). i have somewhat of a changing routine - around 12 and then 2 and then before i leave work. For those that don't know as more piss gets in the diaper they get visibly puffier, and i like that too - feeling the bulk of the wet diaper, the idea that it could be seen if someone really looked. But that was put to the test yesterday: i was about to do the 12 oclock change so i was pretty puffed out and i was wearing a sweater dress that clings. When i got up to go to the bathroom i had, under the guise of smoothing my skirt, run my hand over my ass to see how puffed out and bulky my diaper was and the answer was very. So i grabbed my purse and set off to the restroom, as soon as i started walking a man in the office started walking behind me. The thing about me is i have a great ass (lol) and i walk in a fashion that pretty much demands any man behind me look at it so i was about 90% sure that is where this man behind me was looking, i was freaking out!!!! i turned down another hall and FUCK he turned too!! This was the longest 1 minute walk of my life - in my bulky wet visible diaper being followed by a man i KNOW was looking at my ass. But that is what i think about right? this is the line i am walking on purpose by sending Mastered outfits selections on diaper day that are not necessarily discreet. i don't know what he saw or noticed, and again who would ever really think: hmmmm wonder if she is wearing a diaper? But still.....it got all up inside my head. Not great that it happened at work instead walking of down the aisle in a store in front of a stranger or something where i could just really live in the moment but what can you do. i do actually have a humiliation fantasy of being shopping with Mastered-standing in line and having him pat my ass and ask in a normal speaking voice if my diaper is wet-can you imagine the shame??????? oh fuck YES. i can feel the blush run up my face, i can feel trying to avoid every ones eyes. whoa that would be awesome - i think it would actually make me dizzy the combo of pure true shame, embarrassment and excitement.
So there you have it - i am glad i finally got to get some of this out and down on paper-i feel like i didn't do either of these subjects justice but i had a lot to cover-i hope i made sense!
But first- to finish the trifecta of zip line torture. Last night was arms and i finally get some bruising out of these ordeals. This all started last week with me wanting to do something different to my tits each night so that by the weekend they would be so sore that if the wind blew it would hurt but for a couple of reasons it evolved into this. i enjoyed this mainly because i could proudly send the videos off to Mastered knowing he would wake up to them and start his day off with proof of my devotion. But i also (in addition to the pain but i have talked about that before) love that moment right before i pull the strings, when i have to JUST DO IT. That is one thing, even in regular life, that i am pretty good at -just facing the inevitable and DOING IT. Pulling that string is actually a good metaphor for a lot of things, but i digress. Here are the pictures and vid:
Also i haven't shown my slut label for a while and Mastered likes this one so here is todays outfit:
Now to the meat and potatoes. i was assigned 2 new rules today, one i am not excited about but one has rocked my world and made me so happy. Of course i have Diaper Day on Wednesdays but now i have "Oink Day". This is a day that can happen randomly, apparently i will just wake up to an email that will notify me it is "Oink Day". When that happens i will only be able to respond to Mastered with one oink for no and two oinks for yes for that day. What this says to me is that my opinions, my thoughts are so irrelevant, so pointless to Mastered that they can be replaced with oinks. Oh to truly be a dumb pig!!!! i can not wait for this to happen, to have that feeling of frustration that i have something to say, something that i think has value but be reduced to a yes or no and worse only thru oinks. How much more forcefully can a person like me be reminded of their role than taking speech from me???? i hope i can embrace this, i hope it pushes me hard, i hope i have to hold back my tears because the realization of how little of what i say or think effects anything slaps me right across my face. Because that is what this is saying-these fine well articulated thoughts sound the same coming from me as oinks.
When Mastered calls me i am supposed to pick up the phone saying right away "Yes Sir?" or "Yes Master?", i am visualizing my cell phone sitting on my desk and showing Master calling and having to grab it and race to a place that i can pick up just oinking or will i just try to quietly do it at my desk in public? My stomach is in knots already thinking of this. i can not tell you how happy i am about this rule!! The other question, of course, is will he try to provoke me, push my buttons with things he knows i will be consumed with wanting to expound on. The thing about him is that, yes, he is harsh and there is no compromise with him-absolutely! But within those parameters he is...reasonable is not exactly the right word but straight forward...there is no guessing, there is no hyperbole and there are no games. He is not one to give me an impossible task so he can punish, he doesn't rant and rave and posture, he is always realistic in expectations and in working with real life limitations. i am saying all of that because, honestly, i think he would think it is beneath him to mess with me or try to provoke me (i could be totally wrong-lol), i think this is just what i said: a new rule he expects me to follow, no more no less. So we shall see, but i am looking forward to this new challenge, this step closer to being a dumb pig in word and deed. Who wants to bet this journal will be over flowing with all the words i don't get to say on those days?
i haven't talked about Diaper Day recently - i felt like it was well covered territory but a couple things have come up. Without going into a huge amount of detail i did not do some things i was supposed to last week - i think without realizing it i was either giving up, or trying to test some boundaries, i was definitely going thru some "changes" as they say. The upshot of this behavior was that Mastered removed himself from the situation - basically saying on wed morning don't do anything but catch up on the 3 things you haven't done, get your shit together and contact me on Friday if you manage to do that. So that would be 2 days with out contact and no daily activities -such as diaper day. At first i was just relieved but as time went by on wed i found i missed him, of course, but i specifically missed the....intimacy of DD. i never really thought of it in those terms but it is a day that, in real time, he is in control of aspects of my body even more intimate than sex..it is hard to put it in words but my dependence on him shows in stark relief that day, my submission is without condition or question on that day. So long story short i was happy when this wed rolled around, i felt i was back at home. And it was fabulous to be back. i have started to get a little brazen about the diapers. i don't know if the brand i use changed something or what but they are a little noisy now and i like that, i like the reminder, the embarrassment of knowing what that noise is as i move (but still feeling pretty safe because, seriously, who hears crinkling and thinks "someone is wearing diapers"). i have somewhat of a changing routine - around 12 and then 2 and then before i leave work. For those that don't know as more piss gets in the diaper they get visibly puffier, and i like that too - feeling the bulk of the wet diaper, the idea that it could be seen if someone really looked. But that was put to the test yesterday: i was about to do the 12 oclock change so i was pretty puffed out and i was wearing a sweater dress that clings. When i got up to go to the bathroom i had, under the guise of smoothing my skirt, run my hand over my ass to see how puffed out and bulky my diaper was and the answer was very. So i grabbed my purse and set off to the restroom, as soon as i started walking a man in the office started walking behind me. The thing about me is i have a great ass (lol) and i walk in a fashion that pretty much demands any man behind me look at it so i was about 90% sure that is where this man behind me was looking, i was freaking out!!!! i turned down another hall and FUCK he turned too!! This was the longest 1 minute walk of my life - in my bulky wet visible diaper being followed by a man i KNOW was looking at my ass. But that is what i think about right? this is the line i am walking on purpose by sending Mastered outfits selections on diaper day that are not necessarily discreet. i don't know what he saw or noticed, and again who would ever really think: hmmmm wonder if she is wearing a diaper? But still.....it got all up inside my head. Not great that it happened at work instead walking of down the aisle in a store in front of a stranger or something where i could just really live in the moment but what can you do. i do actually have a humiliation fantasy of being shopping with Mastered-standing in line and having him pat my ass and ask in a normal speaking voice if my diaper is wet-can you imagine the shame??????? oh fuck YES. i can feel the blush run up my face, i can feel trying to avoid every ones eyes. whoa that would be awesome - i think it would actually make me dizzy the combo of pure true shame, embarrassment and excitement.
So there you have it - i am glad i finally got to get some of this out and down on paper-i feel like i didn't do either of these subjects justice but i had a lot to cover-i hope i made sense!
May 1 2013
Just a quick post- i have to go out- i will try to write something substantive (for those of you who enjoy that kind of thing-lol) at some point this week.
i played more with the zip line last night. i don't like this video as much but Mastered seemed happy and that is what matters. This will be posted on SF but you saw it here first folks!
These were also on for an hour before i pulled them off. They, shockingly, haven't turned into bruises yet. Stay tuned for inner arms at some point BUT not sure i will be able to hold the phone to record so this might be the last video.
i hope everyone has a great night-weather here is gorgeous and i am about to go blow off some steam.
i played more with the zip line last night. i don't like this video as much but Mastered seemed happy and that is what matters. This will be posted on SF but you saw it here first folks!
i hope everyone has a great night-weather here is gorgeous and i am about to go blow off some steam.
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