June 30 2013
i have been wanting to take some naked yoga pics for the journal for awhile. i thought it might be appropriate because i have mentioned before-long ago- that sometimes the pain tasks take me to the same sort of clear mind place that yoga does. When you do yoga you focus on your breathing and it clears your mind, pain can do the same thing-quiet your internal dialogue. You would be surprised if you really think about it how rarely you are actually only thinking of one single thing or of nothing-even when you say your not thinking of anything you probably have at least 2 or 3 things in your mind. I also use some of the yoga breathing to get me through some of the pain occasionally. Today i did my 5k and even though that is about what i normally do on the treadmill when you are outside it is always tougher and this damn race ended on a mile of uphill (in 90 degree weather grrrr). So after i got home and got clean i thought i would do a little to loosen up and to finally take my pics. Anyone who knows yoga will know some of my positions are not perfect but i had to short cut to them to get the pics...and i added a non-standard accessory and i used my leash in place of the usually band. in my mind these were much prettier than they turned out but i am going to post them anyway. Hope you enjoy:
Task Pics
sometimes i have good luck getting approved and some times i don't. this time not so much but happily i have this journal so here are the task pics and video:
you can hear me gulping and struggling at the very very beginning of the video.
June 28 2013
i wanted to pop in for a quick update-this week i have been a little discombobulated with Mastereds return and some unusual work duties but there are a few tidbits i wanted to share.
When Mastered took back over on Monday he was on a mission to torment my tits. On Monday i had to wear my clamps all day. i actually substituted binder clips just because they fit better under my bra, i don't usually like to use makeshift items but in this case i swear these things were actually created for sex games and office supply places just took them over. I released them periodically to keep it safe but i am still sore from this treatment. Then on Tuesday and Thursday i wore my tack bra and he had me sqeeze my tits hard every hour on the hour. Today i only had to icyhot them. Here is a pic of Mondays treatment with my slut label.
I saved my favorite thing for last. Yesterday, which is oink day-meaning i cant speak to Mastered i can only oink when i need to say something, i got a slut label that was one of those electric bolts. I don't know why, this phrase is not really even particularly sexual...it is just an insult. But i responded instantly, or at least my cunt did. And all i could do is oink in frustration as i heard Mastered call me this as he came (what a great present that is-if i cant be there at least i get to hear his voice abuse me as he is cumming, i am getting excited just thinking about it-god i love that voice). I think he likes this name for me because he has been using it steadily since then and every time i hear it my cunt gushes...i don't know what is in me that responds to this:
When Mastered took back over on Monday he was on a mission to torment my tits. On Monday i had to wear my clamps all day. i actually substituted binder clips just because they fit better under my bra, i don't usually like to use makeshift items but in this case i swear these things were actually created for sex games and office supply places just took them over. I released them periodically to keep it safe but i am still sore from this treatment. Then on Tuesday and Thursday i wore my tack bra and he had me sqeeze my tits hard every hour on the hour. Today i only had to icyhot them. Here is a pic of Mondays treatment with my slut label.
I also had to do a surprise cunt inspection upon his return. i submitted these at SF but they haven't come up yet and i think they have been rejected even tho i did not get a response since they are not BDSM-y but i know Mastered wants them seen so i will post them here.
I saved my favorite thing for last. Yesterday, which is oink day-meaning i cant speak to Mastered i can only oink when i need to say something, i got a slut label that was one of those electric bolts. I don't know why, this phrase is not really even particularly sexual...it is just an insult. But i responded instantly, or at least my cunt did. And all i could do is oink in frustration as i heard Mastered call me this as he came (what a great present that is-if i cant be there at least i get to hear his voice abuse me as he is cumming, i am getting excited just thinking about it-god i love that voice). I think he likes this name for me because he has been using it steadily since then and every time i hear it my cunt gushes...i don't know what is in me that responds to this:
June 22, 2013
Today i had a gynecologist appointment. i thought i would share it, since Guest Master feels strongly about no privacy for slaves. i have mentioned before that i have medical "thing" but i never really brought it into real life mainly because it is virtually impossible to. But i thought that by sharing my regular exam i might be able to still get a vicarious thrill thru exposing yet another thing about me to anyone that reads this.
i approached this doctors appointment a little differently even from the way i scheduled it-the receptionist asked me if i had a preference for a male or female doctor. In a previous life i would not have gone out of my way to get a female doctor but if the choice was presented to me, as it was in this case, i would have asked for a female. BUT this time i said my preference was for a male, and going forward i will always be making that selection. Normally when you go to these apts you just say to yourself-eh they see tits cunts and assholes all day, they are professional no biggie. But this time i made sure to think that i was being examined by a MAN, not a doctor, but a man, a real PERSON..its a difference that is hard to explain. i think you normally just think of them as automatons doing a job to make it as impersonal as possible so i was trying to make it as personal as possible.
Also there are things that i think that all "polite" gyno patients do for a visit-of course be clean, bring clean white socks. There are things that i do that i am not sure are universal...i try not to have sex the night before so that my holes don't look sloppy. i do have to say that since i don't normal consider "pleasing" a doctor i don't stress too much about shaving perfectly-just make sure it is tidy down there. I handled these things differently this time as well. i made sure i was perfectly shaved since my cunt and asshole were going to be on display-again in an effort to depersonalize you don't normally really think of it as "on display". i also spent about 2 hours the night before stretching out my asshole. i fucked my giant dildo, then just watched some tv with it still in, then fucked it some more, then watched some tv..you get the idea. i wanted there to be no question when this professional looked at my holes what i do with my body. i was curious if he would ask about my sexual practices because of it.
So off i go to my apt yesterday morning-before doing so i checked and my asshole was still visibly open. After the obligatory hour wait i went to the room and put on the "gown",( crinkly paper-open down the front) and sat on the exam table to wait for the Dr. There is very rarely an opportunity to feel as vulnerable and exposed in public as when you are at the drs, sitting on the table-the stirrups right there and visible on either side of you-you know where you are going to be in minutes and you are naked except for the stupid "gown". Then this tall older doctor walks in ( i think i am developing a thing for older guys-funny since i used to skew much younger than me) and talks to me for a little. Then the exam begins. He has me lay back with both of my arms above my head and pushes the gown aside and starts to massage my left tit, pushing on it, feeling all over. Now if he is paying attention he will get his first clue about me because when you use tit clamps a lot as i did the week before Mastered left you get these (or at least i do) dark colored marks on each side of your nipple that stay on for a week or two so i am laying there with a strange MAN holding my tit, clearly viewing evidence that my body is meant for abuse. Then he moves to the other tits, likewise marked and i say something as close to inappropriate i as i ever will and tell him that he does the exam so well it almost feels good. This was not something i planned, at the time i just felt like saying it and didn't realize it was inappropriate until it was out of my mouth. i am guessing just a side effect of my lowered boundaries.
Then it was time for the pelvic exam. i scooted down and put my feet in the stirrups so that my holes were accessible. My exam starts with the doctor still standing beside me and pushing on my stomach, feeling for lymph nodes (or something) etc then he moved down to put his fingers inside of my cunt hole while pushing on my stomach. I felt his fingers go inside me-a tight fit- and wiggle around. Its a very slave feeling to have a mans fingers inside your holes and he doesn't even look down at you. After feeling around my cunt hole he slips his finger in my asshole, now this has to be his second indication that something was up with my body because i could tell it was easier for him to put his finger in my asshole than when he slid it in my cunt. He wiggles them in my asshole for a minute and then pulls out, still without looking at me or talking to me.
Then we move onto the internal exam. But before we do he walks away to get his instruments or something. This is always an uncomfortable time because i am just laying there legs up and spread but just left there and ignored-again a very slave feeling. But at long last he rolls his stool over and places himself in between my legs. This is another hard time during the exam because a man is truly looking directly at your most intimate areas, then they always pull the light over to get an even better look and you can feel the heat from the light right on your cunt. At this point you have no secrets, there is no where to hide or pretend that anything other than exactly what is happening is happening. When he initially rolls up i found my self clenching in an effort to keep my asshole closed, at the moment of truth i found myself embarrassed that i have a stretched open asshole but i made myself relax so that my body would be natural-i decided to be a pig for Mastered so that is what i look like now-so be it. i know just from the picture si have taken in different poses that in this position my asshole is probably open about 3/4 of an inch-not a normal look. I feel his fingers pull my cunt lips apart, opening me even more, i feel a finger or two inside of my cunthole again. His fingers now pulling my actual hole open for visual inspection. Then i hear, and all you ladies know it, "your going to feel some pressure". This means it is time for the speculum. i could feel the foreign object slide inside of me and open. This means that my hole is WIDE open now. Speculums lock open so that the Drs can use both hands for something else. i am laying there with an object protruding from me holding my hole open while the Dr grabs a swab to put deep in that hole. That is what all of this is about for those that don't know-to open you up so the doctor can visually inspect you inside but also so they can take a swab from deep in your cervix ( this is always painful for me).
Then the exam is over, he pulls out the speculum, sometimes if they have used a lot of lube you feel it dripping down your cunt to your asshole. There are always a couple of minutes again where you are still laying in the stirrups - open, sore and dripping while he talks to you..YES actually has a small convo with you while he is standing like a normal person and you are still laying there in the most undignified, exposed way possible.
There are aspects of even a normal gynecological apt that are dehumanizing and degrading. But i wish so hard that i could find a doctor that was into the whole BDSM thing-to have a real doctor in a real doctors office really treat me like a pig and not have to be polite and adhere to all of these rules about nurses and all that junk there to protect my dignity and make sure that nothing untoward happens. That is probably one of my deepest darkest fantasies.
But here is the sad part-the whole reason i started thinking i would journal about this is because i was going to try to take a picture while i was in the stirrups-again honoring GMs idea that nothing is private for a slave. i even brought my good camera with me (along with my white socks). After the doctor was done (i had additional procedures that were painful and left me a little shock-y) he told me to take as much time as i need before coming back to his office so i was like "whoo hoo i can def get my pics now". BUT just (and i swear this is true) as i was bending over to get my camera out of my purse the nurse WALKED RIGHT BACK IN WITHOUT KNOCKING to check on me-had it been minutes later she would have found me legs up taking a pic!!!!!! After that i lost my nerve for taking pics. But i hope you enjoy my description even lacking pictures-i know there are some that are into this stuff like i am so this is for you guys!
i approached this doctors appointment a little differently even from the way i scheduled it-the receptionist asked me if i had a preference for a male or female doctor. In a previous life i would not have gone out of my way to get a female doctor but if the choice was presented to me, as it was in this case, i would have asked for a female. BUT this time i said my preference was for a male, and going forward i will always be making that selection. Normally when you go to these apts you just say to yourself-eh they see tits cunts and assholes all day, they are professional no biggie. But this time i made sure to think that i was being examined by a MAN, not a doctor, but a man, a real PERSON..its a difference that is hard to explain. i think you normally just think of them as automatons doing a job to make it as impersonal as possible so i was trying to make it as personal as possible.
Also there are things that i think that all "polite" gyno patients do for a visit-of course be clean, bring clean white socks. There are things that i do that i am not sure are universal...i try not to have sex the night before so that my holes don't look sloppy. i do have to say that since i don't normal consider "pleasing" a doctor i don't stress too much about shaving perfectly-just make sure it is tidy down there. I handled these things differently this time as well. i made sure i was perfectly shaved since my cunt and asshole were going to be on display-again in an effort to depersonalize you don't normally really think of it as "on display". i also spent about 2 hours the night before stretching out my asshole. i fucked my giant dildo, then just watched some tv with it still in, then fucked it some more, then watched some tv..you get the idea. i wanted there to be no question when this professional looked at my holes what i do with my body. i was curious if he would ask about my sexual practices because of it.
So off i go to my apt yesterday morning-before doing so i checked and my asshole was still visibly open. After the obligatory hour wait i went to the room and put on the "gown",( crinkly paper-open down the front) and sat on the exam table to wait for the Dr. There is very rarely an opportunity to feel as vulnerable and exposed in public as when you are at the drs, sitting on the table-the stirrups right there and visible on either side of you-you know where you are going to be in minutes and you are naked except for the stupid "gown". Then this tall older doctor walks in ( i think i am developing a thing for older guys-funny since i used to skew much younger than me) and talks to me for a little. Then the exam begins. He has me lay back with both of my arms above my head and pushes the gown aside and starts to massage my left tit, pushing on it, feeling all over. Now if he is paying attention he will get his first clue about me because when you use tit clamps a lot as i did the week before Mastered left you get these (or at least i do) dark colored marks on each side of your nipple that stay on for a week or two so i am laying there with a strange MAN holding my tit, clearly viewing evidence that my body is meant for abuse. Then he moves to the other tits, likewise marked and i say something as close to inappropriate i as i ever will and tell him that he does the exam so well it almost feels good. This was not something i planned, at the time i just felt like saying it and didn't realize it was inappropriate until it was out of my mouth. i am guessing just a side effect of my lowered boundaries.
Then it was time for the pelvic exam. i scooted down and put my feet in the stirrups so that my holes were accessible. My exam starts with the doctor still standing beside me and pushing on my stomach, feeling for lymph nodes (or something) etc then he moved down to put his fingers inside of my cunt hole while pushing on my stomach. I felt his fingers go inside me-a tight fit- and wiggle around. Its a very slave feeling to have a mans fingers inside your holes and he doesn't even look down at you. After feeling around my cunt hole he slips his finger in my asshole, now this has to be his second indication that something was up with my body because i could tell it was easier for him to put his finger in my asshole than when he slid it in my cunt. He wiggles them in my asshole for a minute and then pulls out, still without looking at me or talking to me.
Then we move onto the internal exam. But before we do he walks away to get his instruments or something. This is always an uncomfortable time because i am just laying there legs up and spread but just left there and ignored-again a very slave feeling. But at long last he rolls his stool over and places himself in between my legs. This is another hard time during the exam because a man is truly looking directly at your most intimate areas, then they always pull the light over to get an even better look and you can feel the heat from the light right on your cunt. At this point you have no secrets, there is no where to hide or pretend that anything other than exactly what is happening is happening. When he initially rolls up i found my self clenching in an effort to keep my asshole closed, at the moment of truth i found myself embarrassed that i have a stretched open asshole but i made myself relax so that my body would be natural-i decided to be a pig for Mastered so that is what i look like now-so be it. i know just from the picture si have taken in different poses that in this position my asshole is probably open about 3/4 of an inch-not a normal look. I feel his fingers pull my cunt lips apart, opening me even more, i feel a finger or two inside of my cunthole again. His fingers now pulling my actual hole open for visual inspection. Then i hear, and all you ladies know it, "your going to feel some pressure". This means it is time for the speculum. i could feel the foreign object slide inside of me and open. This means that my hole is WIDE open now. Speculums lock open so that the Drs can use both hands for something else. i am laying there with an object protruding from me holding my hole open while the Dr grabs a swab to put deep in that hole. That is what all of this is about for those that don't know-to open you up so the doctor can visually inspect you inside but also so they can take a swab from deep in your cervix ( this is always painful for me).
Then the exam is over, he pulls out the speculum, sometimes if they have used a lot of lube you feel it dripping down your cunt to your asshole. There are always a couple of minutes again where you are still laying in the stirrups - open, sore and dripping while he talks to you..YES actually has a small convo with you while he is standing like a normal person and you are still laying there in the most undignified, exposed way possible.
There are aspects of even a normal gynecological apt that are dehumanizing and degrading. But i wish so hard that i could find a doctor that was into the whole BDSM thing-to have a real doctor in a real doctors office really treat me like a pig and not have to be polite and adhere to all of these rules about nurses and all that junk there to protect my dignity and make sure that nothing untoward happens. That is probably one of my deepest darkest fantasies.
But here is the sad part-the whole reason i started thinking i would journal about this is because i was going to try to take a picture while i was in the stirrups-again honoring GMs idea that nothing is private for a slave. i even brought my good camera with me (along with my white socks). After the doctor was done (i had additional procedures that were painful and left me a little shock-y) he told me to take as much time as i need before coming back to his office so i was like "whoo hoo i can def get my pics now". BUT just (and i swear this is true) as i was bending over to get my camera out of my purse the nurse WALKED RIGHT BACK IN WITHOUT KNOCKING to check on me-had it been minutes later she would have found me legs up taking a pic!!!!!! After that i lost my nerve for taking pics. But i hope you enjoy my description even lacking pictures-i know there are some that are into this stuff like i am so this is for you guys!
June 17 2013
So as promised- or teased - here is my pig slut adventure from this weekend:
I had a happy hour at my house on Friday, just 10-15 old friends hanging out on the deck nothing fancy. My best friend K brought one of his buddies named G along. In the spirit of full disclosure i will tell you that G and i had fucked before, several times in a vanilla fashion, very casually just when we ran into each other but that was, geez, about 5 years ago. Since then we have definitely seen each other but neither one of us was into it enough to make the effort. Starting out it seemed that would be the case on Friday too. Truth be told he gets on my nerves and is kind of loud and obnoxious, lol, at one point in the evening made him move away from me and go sit by the other loud guys so we could segregate them. But as the evening progressed i loosened up and my pig brain kicked in. i started thinking about the stuff Guest Boss and i had discussed, about what is more degrading: being a urinal or riming assholes. (to digress) i replied that to me the meaning of the name pig is that i will willingly and happily do those sex acts that even other sluts might find too disgusting...i am not now but i would love to be a pig that will happily- pig tail wagging stick my tongue in any asshole put in front of me, i also replied that i think being pissed ON, particularly in the face is more degrading than being a urinal..maybe because it is visible and messy..i don't know why i just know that it is. And i love that thought, though i was proud to be Mastereds urinal when we were together, i really really would have enjoyed leaving his hotel room with the smell of his piss on my skin and in my hair....god what a perfect shameful pig moment that would be..the walk of shame out of the hotel AND smelling like a piss whore. At any rate these are the things i had been thinking about for a couple of days. Now back to the action...i am not sure at what point i decided i would get G to use me but even when i figured i might as well since he was there i still was not really thinking he would do any of the previously mentioned acts. i pretty much just figured we would go up stairs and he would use my pighole and then leave and that would be about the size of it.
Since i knew him it wasn't so weird to explain he could only fuck my ass and why (i think you know i am not to shy about my situation with my friends). So we get to my room and again i strip immediately and put my ass up for use. BUT i had not guest-proofed my room and my giant dildo was right on my night stand..it is not exactly a small item, it tends to draw attention. And of course G commented on it..something like "Jesus Christ what is that??". Well i admit i got a little proud then and explained that it was what i used to stretch my ass so i could take pretty much any cock and i offered to show him. Shockingly he was eager to see so i knelt and placed it on the floor and started riding it- in pretty short order it was filling my ass and i was fully fucking it. G asked if he could fuck me with it so i moved from kneeling over it to being ass in the air with this giant dildo sticking out of me and he grabbed it and started fucking me with it. I think he was a very happy man. After a while of amusing himself that way he pulled it out, leaving my gaping hole open for him and he took full advantage - he fucked me until he came deep in my asshole.
As we were recovering i asked if he would do me a favor, which of course at that point he was happy to accommodate. i asked him if he would please piss on me, in my face before he left. Now this is a pretty vanilla guy-not judgemental, just regular old vanilla, alot of these things just don't occur to people as being really possible. i saw my request sink in and register and he did not look unhappy. Of course i gave the disclaimer: if it makes you uncomfortable yadda yadda yadda. But he was all for it!!! So much so in fact i started getting distracted by something and he kept pushing me to the shower. i got in the shower on my knees and i looked up at him as he handled his cock and before i knew what was happening i felt a blast of piss right on my face- i didn't try to get away, i didn't flinch- if anything i pushed my face forward to get more of it. Twice i opened my mouth and had it filled with piss and swallowed. It felt like it went on forever -this warm stream of piss getting in my hair, on my face running down my body that was already leaking cum from my used asshole. Oh it was perfect!!!! When he was finally done i took his cock in my mouth and cleaned him. He got dressed and left but before he did, i think i remembering him saying "you have unleashed a monster".
I was so happy at the pisswhore i was, that i just toweled off and left most of that piss drying on my body. i fell asleep dirty and covered with piss and oozing cum out of my pighole. Much much much more satisfying than my last adventure.
I had a happy hour at my house on Friday, just 10-15 old friends hanging out on the deck nothing fancy. My best friend K brought one of his buddies named G along. In the spirit of full disclosure i will tell you that G and i had fucked before, several times in a vanilla fashion, very casually just when we ran into each other but that was, geez, about 5 years ago. Since then we have definitely seen each other but neither one of us was into it enough to make the effort. Starting out it seemed that would be the case on Friday too. Truth be told he gets on my nerves and is kind of loud and obnoxious, lol, at one point in the evening made him move away from me and go sit by the other loud guys so we could segregate them. But as the evening progressed i loosened up and my pig brain kicked in. i started thinking about the stuff Guest Boss and i had discussed, about what is more degrading: being a urinal or riming assholes. (to digress) i replied that to me the meaning of the name pig is that i will willingly and happily do those sex acts that even other sluts might find too disgusting...i am not now but i would love to be a pig that will happily- pig tail wagging stick my tongue in any asshole put in front of me, i also replied that i think being pissed ON, particularly in the face is more degrading than being a urinal..maybe because it is visible and messy..i don't know why i just know that it is. And i love that thought, though i was proud to be Mastereds urinal when we were together, i really really would have enjoyed leaving his hotel room with the smell of his piss on my skin and in my hair....god what a perfect shameful pig moment that would be..the walk of shame out of the hotel AND smelling like a piss whore. At any rate these are the things i had been thinking about for a couple of days. Now back to the action...i am not sure at what point i decided i would get G to use me but even when i figured i might as well since he was there i still was not really thinking he would do any of the previously mentioned acts. i pretty much just figured we would go up stairs and he would use my pighole and then leave and that would be about the size of it.
Since i knew him it wasn't so weird to explain he could only fuck my ass and why (i think you know i am not to shy about my situation with my friends). So we get to my room and again i strip immediately and put my ass up for use. BUT i had not guest-proofed my room and my giant dildo was right on my night stand..it is not exactly a small item, it tends to draw attention. And of course G commented on it..something like "Jesus Christ what is that??". Well i admit i got a little proud then and explained that it was what i used to stretch my ass so i could take pretty much any cock and i offered to show him. Shockingly he was eager to see so i knelt and placed it on the floor and started riding it- in pretty short order it was filling my ass and i was fully fucking it. G asked if he could fuck me with it so i moved from kneeling over it to being ass in the air with this giant dildo sticking out of me and he grabbed it and started fucking me with it. I think he was a very happy man. After a while of amusing himself that way he pulled it out, leaving my gaping hole open for him and he took full advantage - he fucked me until he came deep in my asshole.
As we were recovering i asked if he would do me a favor, which of course at that point he was happy to accommodate. i asked him if he would please piss on me, in my face before he left. Now this is a pretty vanilla guy-not judgemental, just regular old vanilla, alot of these things just don't occur to people as being really possible. i saw my request sink in and register and he did not look unhappy. Of course i gave the disclaimer: if it makes you uncomfortable yadda yadda yadda. But he was all for it!!! So much so in fact i started getting distracted by something and he kept pushing me to the shower. i got in the shower on my knees and i looked up at him as he handled his cock and before i knew what was happening i felt a blast of piss right on my face- i didn't try to get away, i didn't flinch- if anything i pushed my face forward to get more of it. Twice i opened my mouth and had it filled with piss and swallowed. It felt like it went on forever -this warm stream of piss getting in my hair, on my face running down my body that was already leaking cum from my used asshole. Oh it was perfect!!!! When he was finally done i took his cock in my mouth and cleaned him. He got dressed and left but before he did, i think i remembering him saying "you have unleashed a monster".
I was so happy at the pisswhore i was, that i just toweled off and left most of that piss drying on my body. i fell asleep dirty and covered with piss and oozing cum out of my pighole. Much much much more satisfying than my last adventure.
June 16 2013
I am still here!!! Sorry for the lack of posts, i have been very busy in general and my Guest Boss has been keeping me busy as well. Everything is going well, in fact a conversation with him inspired me to request that the man that used me this weekend piss on me before he left....how is that for a teaser?? i will try to write more about it tomorrow.
Hang in there please, i will be back!!
Hang in there please, i will be back!!
June 7 2013 part 2
Well it looks like i went from not having too much to say to having an abundance of things i want to post. This one is short and sweet i just wanted to share a little shopping spree i went on today on my favorite place ever: Amazon!
First i got these, because i really really want to try them and hopefully they will become part of my weekly schedule:
Then i ordered this because the new egg i got was cheap and loud and since i wear it all day at work i need a better quality one and i have had good luck with Doc Johnson products:
First i got these, because i really really want to try them and hopefully they will become part of my weekly schedule:
Then i ordered this because the new egg i got was cheap and loud and since i wear it all day at work i need a better quality one and i have had good luck with Doc Johnson products:
But my favorite thing i ordered is a charm for my Pandora bracelet-that will always always remind me of Mastered and what i am:
In the spirit of full disclosure i also purchased the book World War Z, because i am desperate for the zombie apocalypse to start but i want to be ready for it so i have to do good research before hand.
June 7 2013
Yesterday Mastered wasn't able to work with me so he passed me off to my "Guest Master" (who will henceforth be known as "Guest Boss"). He tormented me very effectively throughout the day and kept me very focused on my role as cunt and pig-with a big focus on loss of privacy of thought which is probably one of the last bastions i have of "secrecy".(i think i will write more on that at a different time). This journal is about the last task he gave me for the day. He knew i would be going out last night so he ordered me to go braless to the bar and to icyhot my clit periodically throughout the night. WELL! that began a comedy of errors that i am still smiling about today.
First let me explain that it is not uncommon for me not to wear a bra. Until i turned 35 or so and picked up some weight i actually NEVER, and i mean never, wore a bra. So even though i do wear one now on a regular basis it is not really a natural or comfortable thing for me and the minute i get in the house i will take it off. If i am having company causally at the house i will not be wearing one and sometimes i just say fuck it and go out without one depending on my mood. When i do that, though, i generally am wearing something that doesn't make it blatantly obvious. But my bralessness is a common enough occurrence that my friends joke about how you can always tell how cold it is by looking at me.
So it wasn't a super big deal to go out without one last night but in the spirit of things i chose a light colored, thin, clingy t-shirt to make it very evident that i was braless. This is what i looked like before i even left the house.
First let me explain that it is not uncommon for me not to wear a bra. Until i turned 35 or so and picked up some weight i actually NEVER, and i mean never, wore a bra. So even though i do wear one now on a regular basis it is not really a natural or comfortable thing for me and the minute i get in the house i will take it off. If i am having company causally at the house i will not be wearing one and sometimes i just say fuck it and go out without one depending on my mood. When i do that, though, i generally am wearing something that doesn't make it blatantly obvious. But my bralessness is a common enough occurrence that my friends joke about how you can always tell how cold it is by looking at me.
So it wasn't a super big deal to go out without one last night but in the spirit of things i chose a light colored, thin, clingy t-shirt to make it very evident that i was braless. This is what i looked like before i even left the house.
Now i also wasn't really worried about this because my middle of the week bar is small and dead and poorly lit, there is usually just me and my friend and, like, 4 other people there. Plus, of course, we know the bartenders. So just to recap: clingy light t-shirt, meeting a friend at a dead poorly lit bar. What could go wrong??????????????????
SO! i walked into the bar and was stunned to see about 30 people crammed into it- since we normally go out on Wednesdays i had totally forgotten that thursday is TRIVIA NIGHT! Seriously? Yes, seriously the bar was packed. BUT i steeled myself and thought "i am sure not everyone is noticing my insanely hard nipples poking into the super thin fabric, they are busy playing trivia" and with that thought in mind i walked into the bar to try to find a seat. Fortuitously there were just 2 empty stools left at the bar and i grabbed them, sat myself down and got comfy. Once i was settled i noticed that in this poorly lit bar there were some bright lights..for instance the recessed light that was shining DIRECTLY DOWN ON ME!!! Yes -how you are picturing it is exactly how it was: i was essentially IN A SPOT LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i am certain that because of the angle the light was not just illuminating me but was actually highlighting my tits specifically!! At this point i was pretty much stunned into acceptance. Okay, i thought, my tits are clearly going to be seen and noticed by every single person in the bar- this not only included the ogling dudes but also the judge-y chicks as well- i justtried to embrace it. Then just as i was getting to a level of comfort with the situation and was chatting with the bartender the trivia host came up to the bartender and - i swear swear swear this is true- said "I AM BURNING UP, CAN YOU TURN UP THE AC"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost fell out of my chair.
So again to recap: thin clingy tshirt, crowded bar, under spot light, AC cranking at 65. Yep that was my night. i am convinced there were forces conspiring against me!! With every added indignity it just got funnier and funnier. i ducked into the bathroom to take a pic of what i was dealing with:
SO! i walked into the bar and was stunned to see about 30 people crammed into it- since we normally go out on Wednesdays i had totally forgotten that thursday is TRIVIA NIGHT! Seriously? Yes, seriously the bar was packed. BUT i steeled myself and thought "i am sure not everyone is noticing my insanely hard nipples poking into the super thin fabric, they are busy playing trivia" and with that thought in mind i walked into the bar to try to find a seat. Fortuitously there were just 2 empty stools left at the bar and i grabbed them, sat myself down and got comfy. Once i was settled i noticed that in this poorly lit bar there were some bright lights..for instance the recessed light that was shining DIRECTLY DOWN ON ME!!! Yes -how you are picturing it is exactly how it was: i was essentially IN A SPOT LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i am certain that because of the angle the light was not just illuminating me but was actually highlighting my tits specifically!! At this point i was pretty much stunned into acceptance. Okay, i thought, my tits are clearly going to be seen and noticed by every single person in the bar- this not only included the ogling dudes but also the judge-y chicks as well- i justtried to embrace it. Then just as i was getting to a level of comfort with the situation and was chatting with the bartender the trivia host came up to the bartender and - i swear swear swear this is true- said "I AM BURNING UP, CAN YOU TURN UP THE AC"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost fell out of my chair.
So again to recap: thin clingy tshirt, crowded bar, under spot light, AC cranking at 65. Yep that was my night. i am convinced there were forces conspiring against me!! With every added indignity it just got funnier and funnier. i ducked into the bathroom to take a pic of what i was dealing with:
But even though this task had become an absurd joke at my expense i did continue to stick with it and stay focused on looking and acting the way Guest Boss wanted me to: i specifically started talking to a table of guys there for trivia and made sure i did not cover up or disguise the fact that you could cut glass with my nipples. i am a pretty unselfconscious girl but i have to say that this was sooooooooo blatant it took a fair amount of will power to not cross my arms or hunch forward - but i didn't. And i think my efforts were appreciated- didn't pay for a drink all night, lol. And, no, i did not get used, so don't even ask-it was a school night people!
All in all i would have to say that the first, i guess, "official" order from Guest Boss probably was a huge success from his perspective.
June 5, 2013
i haven't been posting a lot of writing lately and i just realized its because i think i have to post something thoughtful or something i am struggling with or learned, something with some substance but since i seem to be settling into my place there is not that much going on in those areas so i was stumped about content. But then i thought, you know, this started with just a journal of what was going on in my day and there have been changes in that and some things that people might find entertaining.
The very very very first thing i do every day is roll over and check my email for Masters selection of my outfit - because the very very very last thing i do every night is send him 2 outfits to chose from. On weekends he doesn't do that but i still get a good morning email and it is literally the first thing i see everyday. i like the way Mastered has handled this from the start, he didn't give me some ridiculous or unrealistic dress code (other than i have to wear skirts or dresses mon-thurs) or tell me to buy anything specific so i still get to be myself, have my style, but his is always the final word on how i leave the house. It is a nice way to start the day and checking at night is a nice way to end the day. Over the course of the past 9 months i have missed the evening check in twice. Oddly those are not the nights that i go out (usually Wednesdays) but the nights i stay in and accidentally fall asleep early. The truly hysterical part about this and i might have mentioned this before is that i would (and still will) tell any man who expected me to "check in" to fuck off real quick! But you know when it comes to Mastered all my bets are off. lol. As far as clothing choices go i have always enjoyed dressing for my "man" but would not really ever ask his opinion, because that might lead him to believe it mattered, lol-oh how the might have fallen!!! But that being said i have always been and enjoy being very feminine in appearance.
So that is the first thing in the morning and probably not news to anyone who has been reading for awhile but there is another part of my morning now. Everyday is some kind of "day" now and some involve wardrobe. This hasn't officially been written into the rules but it has been in effect for 2 or three weeks now and Mastered seems to enjoy it. So here is my unofficial weekly schedule:
Mondays are "clean up pig day". This entails me going into the restroom after any woman i notice to lick the toilet. If i don't notice or don't see i go in every hour. i hate this day and i don't mean "oh i hate it but deep inside it turns me on". Nope, just hate it. And i have to say it is because i work with unattractive women for the most part. i know it sounds silly that it makes a difference but it does. Don't ask me why.
Tuesdays are "tack day". This entails wearing my tack bra and panties all day. i always start the day thinking this is going to be a huge pain in the ass (as it were) but after the initial adjustment period while i drive to work i wind up enjoying this day. Mastered will either give me a schedule or sometimes just pop up randomly to make me squeeze my tits and go press my cunt up against the edge of the sink to press the tacks in my tender parts even more. i always wind up humping the sink a little - that's a visual i love-so horny and debased i will hump anything. i don't know why but the word hump drives me crazy-i think because it just makes you think of animals, just a mindless act..something along those lines. i love it! But by the afternoon i am ready to rip my clothes off to get rid of the irritation. That's what it is, constant constant constant irritation broken up periodically by some sharp biting pain. But overall i like tack day-keeps me focused and aroused even while i am horribly uncomfortable.
Wednesdays are, as you know, "diaper day". Well covered territory.
Thursdays are a combo: "oink day" and "rope G-string day". i could live without the G-string, really doesn't do too much for me except break up the lines of my outfits. But sometimes if i string it just right it can be irritating and stimulating. Even with that though this is my FAVORITE day and i have talked about it a little in other blogs. For those that don't know on this day i am only allowed to speak with Mastered or anyone affiliated with this experience with one oink for no and two oinks for yes. This works on sooooooo many levels and i soooooooo recommend it to anyone else, even if you don't do the oinks just the restriction to yes or no is soooooooo clarifying. No "buts" or "ifs" or "well.." or "i think..". On one level you realize how little of what you say is really needed, on another level you are constantly feeling the restrictions placed on you. i think i have said it before but the loss of speech causes actually tension in your body that keeps you on edge constantly. And i would say on this day Mastered (and company) is/are downright gleeful, tormenting me, reveling in my limitations. I think knowing that i am squirming, wiggling with frustration and excitement (because this day above all other EXCITES me) makes him very happy. i could go on about this day but i am pretty sure i have covered it other places.
And lastly Friday is "vibrator day". This entails me wearing my egg vibrator buried in my cunt and on all day. This is my second favorite day, or maybe third...i don't know, lol. I find myself trying to grind into my chair, rocking back and forth, its all very wanton. But i do think that these eggs are not meant to run all day, last Friday my cunt killed my back up egg..so off to the store i go, lol.
i have been trying really hard to be financially responsible lately so i have not gotten the ben wa balls i told Mastered i would but once i do i am hoping "rope G-string day" will be replaced with "ben wa ball day".
So there you have my unofficial week schedule of torments and tests...but please don't think that this is everything because Mastered is a BIG fan of the icyhot treatments and will throw in an occasional clothes pin or make me go hug the toilet since "i love the toilet so much"...so yeah, he is by no means limited by my "days" activities. I will say this is nice because i know what is coming but i think if i had my way Wednesday would stay diaper day and the others would be rotated as a surprise to me....but he likes structure, so i like structure.
And just for old time sake, and because i laughed out loud when i got my slut label today:
The very very very first thing i do every day is roll over and check my email for Masters selection of my outfit - because the very very very last thing i do every night is send him 2 outfits to chose from. On weekends he doesn't do that but i still get a good morning email and it is literally the first thing i see everyday. i like the way Mastered has handled this from the start, he didn't give me some ridiculous or unrealistic dress code (other than i have to wear skirts or dresses mon-thurs) or tell me to buy anything specific so i still get to be myself, have my style, but his is always the final word on how i leave the house. It is a nice way to start the day and checking at night is a nice way to end the day. Over the course of the past 9 months i have missed the evening check in twice. Oddly those are not the nights that i go out (usually Wednesdays) but the nights i stay in and accidentally fall asleep early. The truly hysterical part about this and i might have mentioned this before is that i would (and still will) tell any man who expected me to "check in" to fuck off real quick! But you know when it comes to Mastered all my bets are off. lol. As far as clothing choices go i have always enjoyed dressing for my "man" but would not really ever ask his opinion, because that might lead him to believe it mattered, lol-oh how the might have fallen!!! But that being said i have always been and enjoy being very feminine in appearance.
So that is the first thing in the morning and probably not news to anyone who has been reading for awhile but there is another part of my morning now. Everyday is some kind of "day" now and some involve wardrobe. This hasn't officially been written into the rules but it has been in effect for 2 or three weeks now and Mastered seems to enjoy it. So here is my unofficial weekly schedule:
Mondays are "clean up pig day". This entails me going into the restroom after any woman i notice to lick the toilet. If i don't notice or don't see i go in every hour. i hate this day and i don't mean "oh i hate it but deep inside it turns me on". Nope, just hate it. And i have to say it is because i work with unattractive women for the most part. i know it sounds silly that it makes a difference but it does. Don't ask me why.
Tuesdays are "tack day". This entails wearing my tack bra and panties all day. i always start the day thinking this is going to be a huge pain in the ass (as it were) but after the initial adjustment period while i drive to work i wind up enjoying this day. Mastered will either give me a schedule or sometimes just pop up randomly to make me squeeze my tits and go press my cunt up against the edge of the sink to press the tacks in my tender parts even more. i always wind up humping the sink a little - that's a visual i love-so horny and debased i will hump anything. i don't know why but the word hump drives me crazy-i think because it just makes you think of animals, just a mindless act..something along those lines. i love it! But by the afternoon i am ready to rip my clothes off to get rid of the irritation. That's what it is, constant constant constant irritation broken up periodically by some sharp biting pain. But overall i like tack day-keeps me focused and aroused even while i am horribly uncomfortable.
Wednesdays are, as you know, "diaper day". Well covered territory.
Thursdays are a combo: "oink day" and "rope G-string day". i could live without the G-string, really doesn't do too much for me except break up the lines of my outfits. But sometimes if i string it just right it can be irritating and stimulating. Even with that though this is my FAVORITE day and i have talked about it a little in other blogs. For those that don't know on this day i am only allowed to speak with Mastered or anyone affiliated with this experience with one oink for no and two oinks for yes. This works on sooooooo many levels and i soooooooo recommend it to anyone else, even if you don't do the oinks just the restriction to yes or no is soooooooo clarifying. No "buts" or "ifs" or "well.." or "i think..". On one level you realize how little of what you say is really needed, on another level you are constantly feeling the restrictions placed on you. i think i have said it before but the loss of speech causes actually tension in your body that keeps you on edge constantly. And i would say on this day Mastered (and company) is/are downright gleeful, tormenting me, reveling in my limitations. I think knowing that i am squirming, wiggling with frustration and excitement (because this day above all other EXCITES me) makes him very happy. i could go on about this day but i am pretty sure i have covered it other places.
And lastly Friday is "vibrator day". This entails me wearing my egg vibrator buried in my cunt and on all day. This is my second favorite day, or maybe third...i don't know, lol. I find myself trying to grind into my chair, rocking back and forth, its all very wanton. But i do think that these eggs are not meant to run all day, last Friday my cunt killed my back up egg..so off to the store i go, lol.
i have been trying really hard to be financially responsible lately so i have not gotten the ben wa balls i told Mastered i would but once i do i am hoping "rope G-string day" will be replaced with "ben wa ball day".
So there you have my unofficial week schedule of torments and tests...but please don't think that this is everything because Mastered is a BIG fan of the icyhot treatments and will throw in an occasional clothes pin or make me go hug the toilet since "i love the toilet so much"...so yeah, he is by no means limited by my "days" activities. I will say this is nice because i know what is coming but i think if i had my way Wednesday would stay diaper day and the others would be rotated as a surprise to me....but he likes structure, so i like structure.
And just for old time sake, and because i laughed out loud when i got my slut label today:
One task pic not posted on SF
This one pic got denied on SF, though I have had good luck there recently. I like this one, not just because it showed my clean up efforts but also because it showed my.... what did I call it in my blog?...my fuck stool.
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