Sept 25, 2013
i'm still here, just haven't had the time to sit down and write anything. But a couple of days ago Mastered said i should go back to some old pictures and see how far i have come, and i say with a straight face they were fond memories. Here are a couple that i really liked either just because i like the pic or because the task was one of my favorites.
Sept 20 2013
I have another in the corner time series, but this one is tougher to stay in position and hurts more. i have no idea what it is in me that causes me to torture MYSELF. Mastered has that fully under control yet once i get an idea for a pic in my head i cant get it out until i do it. Sooooooo...
Looks just like i am kneeling in the corner, right? Maybe a slightly odd tilt to me but that's it.
But here is what is going on in front of me:
(from above)
This actually hurt like hell during filming of this project (lol) and even worse after. Since my tits were pulled up while i was hanging on the wall when i unhooked myself (but kept the clamps on) the change of direction of the pull REALLY hurt (loved it).
Task 36
North
West
East
And lastly South, because those tropical storms are unpredictable, sometimes you have to wait for them to come.
Sept 17, 2013
One of the things that i know will happen during Master visit is corner time, in our case this is not so much a form of punishment but simply to get me out of his way when i am not in use. This sounds awesome and exactly how someone who wants to be treated as an object would want. i am looking forward to it. Completely unnecessary and even a potential nuisance when not being of use as a fuckhole, urinal, whipping target. Can you imagine, to be utterly dismissed as a person, with a simple gesture or a nod, a flick of his hand (that gesture was what got me hooked on Mastered in the first place)? My favorite thought about it is to be happily chatting about something and with absolutely no warning have him send me to the corner, again not because i did anything wrong but just because he is simply done talking to me-i imagine the crestfallen look on my face, hurt that he doesn't want to hang out with ME, that he has become bored with what ever stupid pig thing i am talking about. So Mastered will be picking a corner for me and when sent to it i will quietly remain face down ass up, holes showing until called.
Now as i said this SOUNDS like heaven but the reality is after a certain point you just get bored, i have somewhat tested this out and i get antsy pretty quick, sure when it is in real life and he is near me and the possibility of a crop landing on me if i fidget too much might prolong my ability to stay still and complacent in the corner, but as much as we try to rid me of these pesky human behaviors i WILL get antsy. So for my own benefit and also just to send some fun pics to Master, i have been experimenting a little with corner time and oddly it turns out that if something is happening to me, say gigantor nestled snugly in my pighole or my cunt pulled painfully wide by clips attached to my heels it serves to distract me from the time and rather than the pain or discomfort making me count the minutes i actually kind of sink into a BIT more. Now the key to these 2 additions is that the basic position i am in is a resting position so i don't really have to worry about balance or knees hurting or any of that, which i think is an important consideration (but who cares what i think).
Now as i said this SOUNDS like heaven but the reality is after a certain point you just get bored, i have somewhat tested this out and i get antsy pretty quick, sure when it is in real life and he is near me and the possibility of a crop landing on me if i fidget too much might prolong my ability to stay still and complacent in the corner, but as much as we try to rid me of these pesky human behaviors i WILL get antsy. So for my own benefit and also just to send some fun pics to Master, i have been experimenting a little with corner time and oddly it turns out that if something is happening to me, say gigantor nestled snugly in my pighole or my cunt pulled painfully wide by clips attached to my heels it serves to distract me from the time and rather than the pain or discomfort making me count the minutes i actually kind of sink into a BIT more. Now the key to these 2 additions is that the basic position i am in is a resting position so i don't really have to worry about balance or knees hurting or any of that, which i think is an important consideration (but who cares what i think).
Sept 12, 2013
I wanted to do a quick update tonight. Its amazing how quickly i can be rejuvenated by just a little quiet time and reflection. Mastered sent me out tonight to get a glass of wine by myself-no friends no craziness. Just a chance to sit quietly and just reflect on the last couple of days, i thought about what capable hands i find myself in, what an amazing honest strong smart man Mastered is and how he knows how to bring out the best in me. i'm just calm now, peaceful.
And i had a little present i bought myself waiting at the house when i got home. I am trying a new pighole plug. i really don't mind anything about wearing my current one except for that pokey part at the end. i just always feel liker it is going to hurt me, even after all this time and it really is uncomfortable in a bad way. So i decided to finally get off my butt (get it?? get off my butt, har har) and try a new rounded one. It is larger and the reviews say it can be hard to get in specifically because it is not pointy. But in about an hour i will be testing that. Not worried about the size, its still smaller than gigantor so BRING IT.
And i had a little present i bought myself waiting at the house when i got home. I am trying a new pighole plug. i really don't mind anything about wearing my current one except for that pokey part at the end. i just always feel liker it is going to hurt me, even after all this time and it really is uncomfortable in a bad way. So i decided to finally get off my butt (get it?? get off my butt, har har) and try a new rounded one. It is larger and the reviews say it can be hard to get in specifically because it is not pointy. But in about an hour i will be testing that. Not worried about the size, its still smaller than gigantor so BRING IT.
The old is on the left, new on the right.
Update after trying: Success!!
i am a moron for not doing this sooner!! Went in like a champ!! i am full and stretched but i can move much better and as an added bonus the base is fatter and round so it doesn't fit in my ass crack-makes me more aware of it and in things like leggings i might just be a little worried it would show....oooooo fun!!
Sept 11, 2013
Oh so much has happened in my head this week. i'm going to try to get it out of my head and down on paper so i can stop being hyper-stop the round and round going on in me. Though i would love dearly to feel this way every minute of the day i have to be able to concentrate on other things.
Anyhow as you may have seen from my previous post Monday was not a good day workwise. i was in a rage at work, that might be a BIT of an overstatement but not much. Then Mastered said something, i don't even remember what now, that also made me angry, angry at him. Sometimes when i have things coming at me in the regular world, poking at me from several directions, getting an order or being chided for something by my Master makes me want to scream "JUST GET OFF ME". But i swallowed it, i said "yes Sir", "no Sir" and i separated what was happening outside with what is important. Then suddenly i found myself desperate, in a frenzy wanting more of Mastered pushing me, provoking me, more immediate demands on my servitude. i wanted to be immersed, fall into degradation or pain that just simplifies things...maybe that is why the craving becames stronger as my agitation got stronger. i didn't want to escape into submission but i wanted things to be YES or NO. Maybe the connection is that when i am not getting my way in regular life i still have to fight, still have to try to make things happen so during those times there is no certainty. With my submission there is certainty and it is certain that i lose, that i submit, that not only do i not get what i want but what i want is not even a factor. It is not necessarily easier being submissive but at least it is done, its decided, it is clear where i stand. So saying all of that by the end of Monday i was pulled taut like a wire, but open and needy for anything Mastered said, anything he wanted, i myself was fantasizing ways i could show my complete capitulation. i fell asleep thinking, dreaming of pain, humiliation and sex in many extreme ways.
Tuesday i woke up still keyed up, still desperate. Mastered started going after me hard early in the day - in terms of what his goals are for me what he expects me to do, not in a bad way just very...determinedly. i responded by being inspired by his focused attention and still open from the previous day, i was anxious to push and expose myself further and i wound up mentioned something that had been an unofficial limit. Right away Mastered responded positively and you know that sent me into another level! Is there anything that will make you MORE devoted more eager than simple approval???? The rest of the day was spent with Mastered explaining, how i had descended further, come closer to being what i was born to be. I never purposefully hide anything or lie to Mastered, there are somethings like this "limit" that hadn't come up organically or that i felt wasn't my place to suggest...but now that we have discussed it i see that maybe it was always lurking in the background and i was scared of it because now i feel utterly liberated. Again i never purposefully hid anything but now i feel like Mastered knows every dark corner of my mind, knows how low i am. i was euphoric on Tuesday but that is also the really really hard part of being ling distance-there is no physical way for me to express my euphoria, the frustration is a physical sensation inside me. Its like my body is empty inside and there is this energy that just bounces around inside me looking for a way to escape. If i could perform an action or even touch Mastered the energy could get out but until i do that it just pinballs around inside of me keeping my body and mind under this luscious stress. But i did find myself crying as i drove later on Tuesday..Mastereds words reverberating in my head: "you are lower than everyone else" and i just wanted to throw myself at his feet, thank him, not just have him hear me say it but see my gratitude in action, gratitude for understanding and accepting everything about me. i think the crying was my body and brain trying to get the energy OUT of me, but it was no release.
Today i was still raw and open, it is the day of the week when i am Daddys little girl and there is no part of me that hates it anymore, i cant hate anything that Mastered wants me to do. i thought i couldn't be more "all in" than i was but somehow magically i am more "all in" today. The words from all week still echoing in my head, the frustrated energy is still rolling thru my body. One touch and i will explode. 33 days and i can explode, and i am not even just taking about orgasm, i am talking about every emotion, every thought expressed with my hands, my mouth, with my body. Feeling the pain, screaming into my gag. Feeling the humiliation offering up my tears. 33, 33, 33, i can do it, i can do it.
To top all of this off tomorrow is oink day so i will have even more pent up energy, just building inside of me. no words, not even that outlet. Every word i hear from Mastered will fill me with more buzzing energy.
And lastly - for your viewing pleasure. Mastered had mentioned that he like to see gigantor shoved in my ass, he used the word "undignified". i made him a quick video of me working with gigantor to get my ass fist ready and then another of me crawling in an undignified fashion. i think Mastered enjoyed them i hope you do too.
Anyhow as you may have seen from my previous post Monday was not a good day workwise. i was in a rage at work, that might be a BIT of an overstatement but not much. Then Mastered said something, i don't even remember what now, that also made me angry, angry at him. Sometimes when i have things coming at me in the regular world, poking at me from several directions, getting an order or being chided for something by my Master makes me want to scream "JUST GET OFF ME". But i swallowed it, i said "yes Sir", "no Sir" and i separated what was happening outside with what is important. Then suddenly i found myself desperate, in a frenzy wanting more of Mastered pushing me, provoking me, more immediate demands on my servitude. i wanted to be immersed, fall into degradation or pain that just simplifies things...maybe that is why the craving becames stronger as my agitation got stronger. i didn't want to escape into submission but i wanted things to be YES or NO. Maybe the connection is that when i am not getting my way in regular life i still have to fight, still have to try to make things happen so during those times there is no certainty. With my submission there is certainty and it is certain that i lose, that i submit, that not only do i not get what i want but what i want is not even a factor. It is not necessarily easier being submissive but at least it is done, its decided, it is clear where i stand. So saying all of that by the end of Monday i was pulled taut like a wire, but open and needy for anything Mastered said, anything he wanted, i myself was fantasizing ways i could show my complete capitulation. i fell asleep thinking, dreaming of pain, humiliation and sex in many extreme ways.
Tuesday i woke up still keyed up, still desperate. Mastered started going after me hard early in the day - in terms of what his goals are for me what he expects me to do, not in a bad way just very...determinedly. i responded by being inspired by his focused attention and still open from the previous day, i was anxious to push and expose myself further and i wound up mentioned something that had been an unofficial limit. Right away Mastered responded positively and you know that sent me into another level! Is there anything that will make you MORE devoted more eager than simple approval???? The rest of the day was spent with Mastered explaining, how i had descended further, come closer to being what i was born to be. I never purposefully hide anything or lie to Mastered, there are somethings like this "limit" that hadn't come up organically or that i felt wasn't my place to suggest...but now that we have discussed it i see that maybe it was always lurking in the background and i was scared of it because now i feel utterly liberated. Again i never purposefully hid anything but now i feel like Mastered knows every dark corner of my mind, knows how low i am. i was euphoric on Tuesday but that is also the really really hard part of being ling distance-there is no physical way for me to express my euphoria, the frustration is a physical sensation inside me. Its like my body is empty inside and there is this energy that just bounces around inside me looking for a way to escape. If i could perform an action or even touch Mastered the energy could get out but until i do that it just pinballs around inside of me keeping my body and mind under this luscious stress. But i did find myself crying as i drove later on Tuesday..Mastereds words reverberating in my head: "you are lower than everyone else" and i just wanted to throw myself at his feet, thank him, not just have him hear me say it but see my gratitude in action, gratitude for understanding and accepting everything about me. i think the crying was my body and brain trying to get the energy OUT of me, but it was no release.
Today i was still raw and open, it is the day of the week when i am Daddys little girl and there is no part of me that hates it anymore, i cant hate anything that Mastered wants me to do. i thought i couldn't be more "all in" than i was but somehow magically i am more "all in" today. The words from all week still echoing in my head, the frustrated energy is still rolling thru my body. One touch and i will explode. 33 days and i can explode, and i am not even just taking about orgasm, i am talking about every emotion, every thought expressed with my hands, my mouth, with my body. Feeling the pain, screaming into my gag. Feeling the humiliation offering up my tears. 33, 33, 33, i can do it, i can do it.
To top all of this off tomorrow is oink day so i will have even more pent up energy, just building inside of me. no words, not even that outlet. Every word i hear from Mastered will fill me with more buzzing energy.
And lastly - for your viewing pleasure. Mastered had mentioned that he like to see gigantor shoved in my ass, he used the word "undignified". i made him a quick video of me working with gigantor to get my ass fist ready and then another of me crawling in an undignified fashion. i think Mastered enjoyed them i hope you do too.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
In an odd juxtaposition the angrier and more attitudinal i am in regular life the more i want, proportionately, to be degraded, beaten and otherwise shown my place.
Sept 8 2013-2
So i am having some major and minor freakouts about Mastereds visit. Just to give the specifics i will meet him Thursday after work and we will be together until Sunday morning. First of all i am mainly freaking out just about being in the physical presence of someone, anyone for that long at a stretch. i just don't do that, remember-me: only child, not married, no kids. i have only ever shared a bathroom with my parents and that was when i was, like, 10. When i vacation i don't share rooms and i always make sure there are several hours during the day where i am alone. So, yeah, kind of freaking out. Its not about the privacy, i am pretty sure i already have my mind wrapped around the lack of it, its more about ..i don't know..awkwardness. Things like i don't get ready around anyone now and i have weird/stupid things (as do we all) that i have to do like when i get out of the shower i cant move too fast or i get hot then my hair gets frizzy or i can only sleep on my right side or i have to sleep with my feet out of the covers. lol, i know all you marrieds don't think those are big deals but to me it is totally utterly foreign to do all those things with someone around, more over someone who will be telling me what to do. Its the in-between times where normally i would get bored and go home (or kick someone out, lol) that make me uncomfortable.
i am also freaking out about the total immersion but in a more fun way. Of course i have done overnight "sessions" before but nothing this long or quite frankly at the level that Mastered an i have come to. i am anticipating very little "down time" when we wont be in our roles or reinforcing the training i have had so far. Today Mastered said that there would be NO back talking from me while we are together and i expected that-i also fully expect to fuck up. But in a weird way i am looking forward to being able to be instantly corrected. Its RELATIVELY easy for me to hold my tongue when he cant see my face or when i can pause and take a deep breath, i get that second to think before i respond to something-which really is almost like cheating. i am looking forward to being instantly corrected so that i don't have to take that second to think, so that i get to a place where my "sub brain" takes over and just reacts properly. Other things that i think will present a significant challenge to me are public behaviors that Mastered will insist upon-GOD! if you guys only knew how take charge i am, even (especially) on dates, i actually become more assertive if you put me around a regular man-I (caps on purpose) talk to the hostess at a restaurant, I decide where we sit, I I I I. And then things like being able to say Daddy out loud without making a face. Its these small things that will be the toughest-not the big ticket items like pain or loss of privacy (she says now, lol). It probably goes without saying there is no possible way that i could do this every day forever but i think 2.5 days is doable and i hope to learn so much from it. i want to be different after, go to a place in my head i have never been. Yet i don't want to put to much expectation on the situation. AAAAARRRRRGGGGG so many thoughts. But, you know, in all honesty i have so much trust in Mastereds judgement, how he knows when to push and when to hold off, how realistic he is in his expectations, i know he wants me to succeed and i believe with my whole heart he will handle these days perfectly to get the results, the fun, the satisfaction we both want in our different ways. Really all this worrying and hand wringing is just mental masturbation on my part.
But i do want to know, will i get my private shower time?
i am also freaking out about the total immersion but in a more fun way. Of course i have done overnight "sessions" before but nothing this long or quite frankly at the level that Mastered an i have come to. i am anticipating very little "down time" when we wont be in our roles or reinforcing the training i have had so far. Today Mastered said that there would be NO back talking from me while we are together and i expected that-i also fully expect to fuck up. But in a weird way i am looking forward to being able to be instantly corrected. Its RELATIVELY easy for me to hold my tongue when he cant see my face or when i can pause and take a deep breath, i get that second to think before i respond to something-which really is almost like cheating. i am looking forward to being instantly corrected so that i don't have to take that second to think, so that i get to a place where my "sub brain" takes over and just reacts properly. Other things that i think will present a significant challenge to me are public behaviors that Mastered will insist upon-GOD! if you guys only knew how take charge i am, even (especially) on dates, i actually become more assertive if you put me around a regular man-I (caps on purpose) talk to the hostess at a restaurant, I decide where we sit, I I I I. And then things like being able to say Daddy out loud without making a face. Its these small things that will be the toughest-not the big ticket items like pain or loss of privacy (she says now, lol). It probably goes without saying there is no possible way that i could do this every day forever but i think 2.5 days is doable and i hope to learn so much from it. i want to be different after, go to a place in my head i have never been. Yet i don't want to put to much expectation on the situation. AAAAARRRRRGGGGG so many thoughts. But, you know, in all honesty i have so much trust in Mastereds judgement, how he knows when to push and when to hold off, how realistic he is in his expectations, i know he wants me to succeed and i believe with my whole heart he will handle these days perfectly to get the results, the fun, the satisfaction we both want in our different ways. Really all this worrying and hand wringing is just mental masturbation on my part.
But i do want to know, will i get my private shower time?
Sept 8, 2013
So file this under happy accidents.
Mastered likes to have me icyhot my nipples to keep me aware and stimulated and i have to say that it is hit or miss, for some reason sometimes my body has a reaction (mild) and sometimes it does absolutely nothing. WELL! If you guys have followed along you know i spend a lot of time in the woods hiking, this week was no different. On one of my forays i must have gotten a little no see 'em under my shirt because something bit me RIGHT ON MY FUCKING NIPPLE!!! oh my God for 24 hours my nipple stayed erect and itchy! it was horrible but also kind of wonderful too. Drove me insane! So now i am thinking itching powder, hmmmm........
Some attempts to get relief:
Mastered likes to have me icyhot my nipples to keep me aware and stimulated and i have to say that it is hit or miss, for some reason sometimes my body has a reaction (mild) and sometimes it does absolutely nothing. WELL! If you guys have followed along you know i spend a lot of time in the woods hiking, this week was no different. On one of my forays i must have gotten a little no see 'em under my shirt because something bit me RIGHT ON MY FUCKING NIPPLE!!! oh my God for 24 hours my nipple stayed erect and itchy! it was horrible but also kind of wonderful too. Drove me insane! So now i am thinking itching powder, hmmmm........
Some attempts to get relief:
Mouse Trap Task
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Getting ready to catch a male mouse
A mouth is a good way to catch a "One eyed-bald headed mouse"
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| Here's a good mouse hole! |
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| Maybe he likes back doors? |
Reads like a bill board! |
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