February 27 2013

For tonights journal i wanted to post, for those of you who did not approve of my leather pants (even tho they were HAWT) that i went totally slutty for my actual B-day party.

 

(you cant tell but my shoes are glitter shoes!!)

But really i wanted to post for Master the little surprise i was wearing underneath to keep me thinking of  him...it even showed a little bit sometimes! (that especially made me keep thinking about him)

Also last week i took a couple of days off, i think i mentioned that in a post. But i didn't talk about diaper day-of course it is diaper day today so i am thinking about it.  Anyway i am not sure if i have mentioned that when i am in my slutroom i am naked all the time. That took some getting used to - it is really more of an unnatural state than you would think. i have never been one to be shy when it comes to being with a man and i don't worry about being naked then but by myself i am usually in some sort of clothes and i never got into sleeping naked. i don't have huge body issues but at the same time i would rather not have to look at some areas constantly. Left to my own devices i will always have a shirt on, clearly i am happier with my cunt ass and legs than i am with my tits and tummy.  i have gotten used to being naked now but there is still a lingering uncomfortable-ness in some cases. For instance on diaper day last week i didn't have errands or anything it was just a lazy day that i spent mainly in my slutroom watching tv. So i was naked BUT in a diaper..it almost feels more obscene, more diminishing...its right there all the time!! Not under my clothes, not hidden.  And i looked ridiculous and i knew it BUT i liked it...i liked that it was in my face.  Just a pig in her slutroom wearing a diaper because she is not allowed to use the toilet all day.  if i go back and reread old posts i feel like this will be a theme-that i start out with something done discretely, and then somehow Mastered ups the ante and as my journal title says there is no more hiding.  Not only was it just the fact that i couldn't escape the diaper it was that it was the opposite way i would have covered myself naturally-my weakness or the things i am insecure about exposed on top-almost highlighted by the diaper. And of course Mastered wanted a pic. i am going to share it here because i really really believe i don't get to worry about things like that anymore-how i look, if something is flattering, if i look stupid and when i start thinking like that i need to check it. So here i am in all my ridiculous glory. i am happy to share it because it was how Mastered wanted me to look that day. (not up to standards-took it with my phone but you will get the idea)

On a semi related note-it started me thinking about how being partially dressed can make you feel more exposed than being totally naked, can make you feel nastier (i'm not talking about your standard slut gear-that all actually makes you feel less exposed, more in control-to me anyway). But say you are about to get a spanking and you turn around and bend over and pull your panties down but only partially, and the crotch part is still stuck in your cunt, something about that to me is more demeaning that having taken those panties all the way off.  The partial and sloppy covering makes the nakedness more vivid or something.  There is a way you are "supposed" to look to be sexy and exposing my body out side of those parameters makes me uncomfortable. I am really struggling with expressing myself on this concept-it is what i have been thinking of journaling about all day but i just can't get it right. i don't know, i hope this makes sense to someone out there! Last weeks diaper day contained one other humiliating picture demand from Master for me that i am not ready to share but i mention only because some times I SWEAR Mastered can read my mind and knows the dirty dirty things going on deep inside my brain.