December 17, 2012

So there have been a couple of changes to the blog i want to go over. i seem to have abandoned the logging portion, i still like the idea but i just don't have time or the attention to detail to remember to note when everything happened so...format is still evolving. But i made some technical changes as well. I THINK i have the settings correct to allow comments without registering or having to type in  one of those pesky word verifications, so as far as i am aware i have made it as easy as possible to comment. Also at the end of the blog there are now little feedback check boxes, so you can participate with minimal effort. Unfortunately the same check boxes show up on each blog-i cant tailor it to the content. Right now i have some general words (although someone did check the "boring" box so that one might have to go, lol) but they might change if i get better ideas. Also i wont be posting tmro because i am going to see Billy Elliot the musical and then a late dinner and drinks...i love a nice dress up night in the city! But now for today:

Here is my outfit that Master picked today. ugh! now that i can only wear skirts or dresses 1/2 my wardrobe is gone and i am SICK of the clothes i am allowed to wear, i have super cool shoes  and awesome jackets but they only go with my pants. Sad face, but enough of my whining. What i DO like are my words that i wear everyday. i like waking up to find out what my label for the day is, worrying about  changing at the gym, my top slipping and showing the top part of the writing..so its the kind of thing that i always have to be aware of, keeps me thinking of those words all day
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I woke up today in a FOUL mood, when i got Masters email of my outfit and a couple of other innocuous comments it just hit me wrong and i got a little smart, not much but he noticed. Also i had missed multiple calls from him last night while i was sleeping. So he was not happy with me for a variety of reasons first thing this morning. And i have to tell the truth, my mood was so bad i kind of didn't care.  i was not in the mood to think about anyone else but me.  i wanted to be angry and i wanted to be alone and i knew i was going to have to do things that would hurt me and i knew that he did not even remotely care what my mood was and THAT pissed me off.  But after one slightly smart comment i had to suck it up and take my medicine. My punishment for sleeping thru his phone calls was another round of icyhot treatment, once an hour for 4 hours (which actually means 5 applications) on my clit. The thing about this is that the burning lasts about an hour, so just as my cunt was finally cooling down it was time again. It was not a severe punishment and i knew that so when Master told me it was time for the last application and i was to do the rim of my asshole as well i went all out to show that i did not take angering him lightly. i slathered my cunt, my ass, slid my fingers into my cunthole, into my asshole, i put more icyhot on myself than i ever have. AND OMG i was in so much pain. i had to stay in the bathroom for 5 minutes or so, the waves of heat just kept coming, when i did walk back to my desk i was walking funny. When i sat down that heat was trapped in every hole, every crevice and  it intensified again and  just kept fucking coming. WOW. i was live-texting Master about my pain-and as i was at the height of my torment he said he was finally pleased so that made it all worth it! I do have a new rule to add to my list now: "i am to always have my phone with me and on so that i can be available for Masters needs, wishes and demands 24/7" .

 

The thing about this punishment or any punishment is that there is the possibility to lose yourself in it and i wanted that so bad today. As i said i was in a bad mood from the jump this morning and getting a punishment does make me stop thinking about myself, on the down side because of the distance from Master and because i am not isolated and kept in my little slut room (mush as id like to be) i cant totally immerse in it and get fully out of my own head.  i almost asked Master for a really bad punishment  when i got home so i could just stop thinking about me, UGH just stop fucking thinking! Just feel the pain, wallow in the humiliation, the submission!! BUT then i came to my senses (the text was actually half written) and had the rational thought that what ever i was looking for he would probably make it 20 times worse so i decided to shut the hell up! lol

 

i don't think this was part of the punishment but i also have a 2nd new rule to add to my list: Wednesdays are now diaper days (day and night). So no more waiting to be ordered to wear one, this is just what it is now. You would think this would make me happy from the tone of my prior blogs but today it just made me ... i don't know... i feel like.....OMG i just had a flash, i swear on my dead dog i just figured this out this minute...before i felt like i owned this a little, i would ask for it, i was treating it as kind of a reward.  i realize now that i was doing that to diminish the magnitude of the act of wearing  a diaper, i was trying to take away the power of what it is and what i am allowing myself to turn into!!!!!!!! When my illusion of control over it was taken away the reality of what wearing a diaper means about me and what i am-hell what i want to be- just came crashing in on me. That is why, i now understand,  when i got the new rule from Master for about 30 seconds i was happy but then i sat there with sad little tears in my eyes and i didn't understand until now..i thought it was just my mood..but now i understand what my brain was trying to process. WOW, just wow!

 

On that note i have to go, i have a couple of other tasks to take care of before i can go to sleep..thanks for listening!