800- Check in and mention that i did not get assigned a label to put on myself. Master soon rectified that situation:
810- Leave for work-leashed in car.
840- Work-UGH-i am looking forward to the zombie Apocalypse just so i can stop going to work.
1030- Master lets me know the inflatable butt plug enema nozzle he ordered has arrived. Promises/threatens stretching and enema fun when i see him. scared and excited.
1200- So not about work today. i wonder how much this has to do with the fact that i would prefer to be totally immersed in slave life. There does seem to be a correlation between when i started hating my job and when i really started to feel right with the slave activities. On the other hand there have been real changes here at work that do warrant unhappiness. But the problem is when things go badly at work it effects how i interact with Master, i don't know if he notices but i bite my tongue a lot on those days because i want to say to him "you know what? i am just not in the mood". But then i think- logically- don't mess up something that you do love, something that is becoming such an important part of your life because of this stupid job. So i try really hard to keep it in perspective that what i am upset at or irritated with has nothing to do with Mastered and everything to do with the work. Days like today it is hard to stay focused. (and just to clarify staying focused means that i am supposed to think sex as much as possible which would allow me to be readily used at any point in time, cunt always wet. and hungry for cock ) On the other hand when i am totally in the slave zone i hate the intrusion of, say, a stupid client. i feel like screaming "i am vibe-ing with my Master right now don't bother me!!" lol.
130- Good news from Master - i get to wear a diaper all day and night tmro. Now i know that is an odd thing to say but when i am in my office thinking how awesome i am or bitching about some client and how stupid they are, nothing reminds me of my true place quicker than having to sit there in a wet diaper or go to the bathroom- and this is one of those things that is even hard to type- "change my diaper". Can a person feel more diminished? That is why i love it-its hard to think primarily of yourself as a bad ass when you are not allowed to use the toilet because your Master says, when you hand over control of your most basic functions as a person. Its one of those things that i hate but that will take me directly to my slave zone which is calming.
230- Work work work bah blah blah!
430- More chat with Master.
530- I AM OUTTA HERE! leave work! instructed to lick the toilet AGAIN before i leave. He seems to be on a kick today, ive been sent to do it about 5 times today. Something Mastered told me to do a while ago was "go hug and kiss the toilet" and i was, like, what?? then he said "well you love the toilet so you should hug and kiss it". That's another one of those things that sends me straight to my zone. So now i will say out loud "i will hug and kiss and lick the toilet because i love it", its one of my litanies. I should list them out some time, some are sayings Master wants me to remember and some are things he has said that he probably doesn't even know i repeat over and over, repeating them can calm me down when im stressed either about something he wants me to do or something in regular life.
6- Tan and work out-god i hate working out but damn it feels good when im done! This is the truth: i think about Master and making my body more pleasing to men when i am working out to keep me motivated.
715- Home, no long walk for the dog tonight, Sorry Gracie.
730- Enema - shower / beauty night: mud mask-plucking-nails (that's why no dog walk-Mommy needs to do maintenance) getting bored of the red nail polish, i wouldn't mention it but i am only allowed clear, pink or red. I hate clear-pink is ok-red is my fave but i am missing my black (so chic).
845- Dinner.
915- CAKE!!
10- do my nightly slaps- tits cunt and ass. i LOVE slapping my cunt. oh that feeling! A-mazing!
Slave J - followed you hear from SF, I love this - so many guys have a totally unrealistic (and porn-influenced) idea of what slave training is and how it interacts with an outside live.
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd kept a journal of my first (and most intensive - 6 months) full-time training. Many years later, it still influences many of the things I do in daily life, and it would have been nice to keep a record as it was happening. Good luck!
Whoo Hoo you are my first comment over here!!! thank you. i absoultely agree that alot of thier ideas are porn induced AND they have no concept of the mental aspects of it, i think right off the bat you can tell if someone is for real or not by a)how physically realistic they are (i think that is also how you can tell if slaves are for real-when they talk about what they have done) and b) by how they address the mental aspects of training. Thank you so much for coming over here!!!!
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