December 18 2012

i was totally wrong about my theater plans-its tmro night not tonight. So i get to blog tonight AND since i thought i was going out tonight i didn't bring my work out bag to  work so i COULDN'T go work out.  SO SAD! Here is todays outfit and label.

 

 

You might not be able to tell but the fabric of this skirt is, unfortunately, a color and texture that shows moisture very easily. That means when Master gets me especially aroused during the day there is a visible wet spot (most women worry about Visible Panty Line VPL, i have VWS,lol)-i have a long cardigan i keep at work for these occasions-and today was a day that Master kept me in high gear most of the day. My plug does keep me humming all day, not enough to really cause embarrassment, but if there is some intense convos with Master or additional activities he assigns me added in its all over. Today was a day where both of those things came into play.

 

Master is happy that my asshole is spreading and visibly open in some pics and his excitement inspires me. Last night after blogging i decided to put in some stretching work on my ass. i fucked my large dildo for 1/2 hour tip to base, just over and over. It was easier than its ever been and brought me almost no strong sensation-which i know is Masters goal. i think we are both ramping up my activity in this area so when i see him in a week he will be really happy with the size of my hole. i did my bit last night and today he sent me twice to the restroom to remove and reinsert my plug 25 times. While this doesn't bring me close, at all, to cumming it does make me wet, so that contributed to my VWS. 

 

We also talked about (and i continued to think about) piercings. This has been discussed before, he plans to have my clit hood pierced vertically (forgive me if i am using the wrong terminology i am just starting my research) which would keep my clit constantly stimulated because of how the jewelry lays.  But now, perhaps as my reward because he can tell i am  honestly and sincerely trying to make the changes to my body we are currently focusing on, he presented an alternative to stretching my cunt. In prior blogs i discussed that Master wants both of my holes loose, giving me very little stimulation because my holes are for mens pleasure not mine (btw that is what i said over and over as i rode my dildo last night) but i have been pretty open about the fact that i am conflicted about changing the size of my cunt. I wouldn't say i have whined or complained, just expressed honest trepidation. All of that said, today Master made me very happy by presenting an option he had thought about and that is piercing my labia and locking them so that no one but him gets to use my cunt and that i don't get to enjoy it myself except at his pleasure. He said he will decide after Christmas which option he will go with. The idea of the piercing and the lock makes me crazy in a good way. i love the symbolism of it, i love that i would be able to serve Master only with my cunt, i love that it will be a reminder of my status that i SEE and FEEL every day. Can you imagine what it is like to not have a choice, not because you "gave up control" but because you physically can not access a part of your body???? FUCK YES! There are practical concerns to be addressed but i am all about this. So to bring this back to my original point between conversations about that and my own thoughts my VWS only increased as the day went on. Thank god for that cardigan.  It was a good day!

 

Master has also been helping me memorize how to address him and how to behave when i see him. Usually last thing he does in the afternoon is ask me a series of questions about those things and i answer repeatedly with the responses he has taught me. i don't find it repetitive, i know the reinforcement will help me, when i am shaking and nervous in his presence, to just fall back on my training.  AND as an added benefit reciting things like "when out with Master i will only look down or at Master",  works me up as well, lol.  Behaving publicly in so subservient a manner (like everything i do with Master) flies in the face of my personality yet i am eager to test myself, to see how deep my desire to submit runs. It is a different thing to submit in a sexual capacity than it is to submit in terms of real interactions with other people-not like the people who read this and know what is going on- but real life people like waiters, bartenders, random people! i am excited to feel that humiliation of having to look at Master before responding to an "outsider" but to know that at the same time if i do it i make Master proud. A lot of the things that i will have to do i try not to think about, not because they are distasteful to me, but because i just want to live in those moments when they come and look to my training for guidance. i don't want to over think and somehow without meaning to impose my personality on my reactions, if that makes any sense.

 

Well enough of the serious stuff. Master wanted me to take a picture of myself naked in my slutroom last night (which is how i am always supposed to be) but i wasn't really feeling sexy, and couldn't think of anyway to spice it up so instead i took a "caught in the wild, live action shot of a slut in her slutroom, taking steps to keep herself acceptable to Master" shot. So this is what i look like when i am done for the day and can lock myself away and blog or groom myself or do a task. Last night i had to redo the nails, i am slut but not a chipped nail kind of slut.

 

 

See i really do use that chair in the back round! lol That is also where i sit with my feet kicked up to watch tv and read.

 

Hope everybody had as great a day as i did, or a great one tmro. Remember tmro night is my night on the town so i will be MIA.

 

oh shit, i just remembered tmro is my first mandatory diaper day.