December 5 2012

 

730- get email from Master with outfit choice-and todays words.

740- Get dressed with diaper. My full outfit for the day:

 

 

 

 

 

 

1016- Sit at desk and wet myself.

1020- Get stuck on call-sitting in wet diaper.

1040- Changed diaper -Okay! i have some thoughts about this diaper thing. First getting used to it: it probably seems hard to understand but it takes awhile to get your body used to just pissing when ever you have to. You spend your whole life holding it without even realizing that's what you do. For me it has gone in stages since the first time i put one on: first i had to go somewhere private and stand and decide to pee, then it got so i didn't have to be somewhere private but i still had to think about it and decide to release what ever muscles need to be released. Then i started being able to just pee anywhere but i still would have to "decide" to go. Today i tried to just release when ever i felt even an urge to go..a little, a lot ..whatever, just tried to give up controlling my body at all. i think i realized today that part of what i respond to, what i like about this is it makes me the basest person i can be, its the start of just letting my body cave to whatever instinct it feels, to piss, to fuck, to touch myself when ever i want.   i don't feel it in a way that infantalizes (not sure if that is a word) me but instead in a way that animalizes me. i just want to be that female animal that when a male is around my ass is automatically in the air opening myself for use like a female body should be-that is true instinct!!! And that is what i am starting to feel around men (i do have to say i don't feel that around men ive know "before" this but a lot of new men i meet or see). Now, all that said i cant pretend the humiliation isn't there in the civilized part of my brain, the part that worries about people hearing the slight crinkle of the diaper, that sees how ridiculous i look in it, that has to sit in a wet diaper while conducting business. So really its a win win-there is nothing about it that doesn't serve some purpose of my training AND it keeps my cunt wet because i am either being diminished to the level of an animal or humiliated by my predicament. Oh and with his somehow prescient understanding of me, as i am thinking about instinct and base animal urges Master tells me he has trained me so well -that i am "in constant heat like a dog" then starts talking about how i need to be kept caged in the safety and comfort of my slutroom, a bitch kept in controlled heat!!!! How the FUCK does he read my mind and know exactly what words will send electricity right thru me???

On a side note i love the juxtaposition of the sexy shoes and the diaper in the picture below, kind of embodies what i was talking about.

                                                         Putting on a fresh diaper

 

11- Work work work-not too horrible today. Not too much interaction directly with Master during the day today.

120- Lunch.

200- Work work work.

230- Chat with Master-give him my address so he can ship me things to use when we see each other that cant go on the plane-ominous...lol! Instructed to apply icy hot to my asshole at 3,4 and 5 oclock. i am such an anal slut, i love my ass fucked, tormented, stuffed full of plug...anything!

300- Work drama but the juicy interesting kind.

430- More chat with Master.

530- Leave work.

610- Go to gym-change publicly with my writing on my tits- i don't think anyone sees. Work out (think of pleasing men with my body)

715- Long walk with dog.

8- Enema/piss shower/ real shower.

9- Dinner.

10- Blog with tit/cunt puller on tits.