Todays journal entry is about things i am curious about and questions i have been trying to work through lately because i think getting used by someone other than Master is the next big thing i have to deal with. I hope that Masters and slaves will respond in comments because i am very very interested in their thoughts so i can get some perspective.
i have written before that it is in Masters plans to have me used by other men. i am fine with that on most levels (not that i have a choice) but it would be a lie if i pretend i dont have some trepidation about some aspects of this. i am a real person with real thoughts and feelings, much as we would like that not to be the case, the trick is to have my issues but to be disciplined enough to put them aside, to decide that what Master wants is more important, to revel in my submission.
I don't presume to know what Master really plans for me but there are somethings i do know about what will happen: my cunt is only for Master so that hole will not be used by other men, that means strangers will only use my ass or my mouth. I am not to derive any satisfaction physically from serving men other than Master. This entails, again, no use of my cunt and numbing gel on my clit to make sure, that is also why he has been focused on get my asshole nice and loose so i have minimal sensation. For the most part i have wrapped my mind around everything i just wrote but there is one thing that i do worry about. i am funny about my mouth, i guess kind of like a prostitute, i would rather be fucked in my ass or cunt than suck a strangers cock. I can totally detach and just think of myself as holes with that but to have to use my mouth, thats very personal to me. ( on the other hand i love to serve Master with my mouth in what ever capacity he wants to use it) So that is pretty much what i know and i have one question for slaves and one question for Masters that have been floating around my head.
From a slave perspective i know we are supposed to just do what we are told and not have any doubts or thoughts but, come on we are human, how do you deal with the person Master wants to share you with that is just not doing it for you? as i said not so much getting fucked but sucking their cock? i know a bind fold would help since i wouldn't even be in a position to judge if some one was, for whatever reason not doing it for me, but what if you are not allowed a blind fold AND a blindfold wouldn't help if they aren't manscaped, which is a big deal to me. i am curious if you just get used to it after awhile, if it is always difficult, what thoughts go thru your head and how did you get to a place where you could just serve and not have an opinion about the men you are serving. i hope that the first time i am used by someone i just get to blind fold myself and wait for who ever master sends to show up and use me so i never even have to deal with seeing but its not my choice so i want to be prepared mentally.
I am also curious, from a Masters perspective about using a slut/slave that takes no physical pleasure in your attention. In my experience, in both vanilla and bdsm, men are very invested in getting the person they are fucking to cum. Obviously i enjoy serving and being used and have written before that i love being denied, thats kind of the whole point to me. But how does it make a man feel to know that a) you as a specific person might not be wanted and b) that no matter how skilled you are you will not bring any satisfaction? i worry that by not being able to participate in that way i might make someone feel bad, like i am just there (figuratively) filing my nails while he is pumping he heart out, ya know what i mean?. i guess not cumming strikes me as almost rude or bad manners. i understand that the fact that it BORDERS on non consent or reluctance may be part of the attraction but those type of porn stories always end with the chick realizing how awesome the fucking is and getting off, lol. My question may be simpler than i thought: does it have any effect on a man positively or negatively if a slut does not get off on your cock?
Typing all of this has actually made me quite horny - i do LOVE my little fantasy of being blindfolded in a hotel as man after man just come in and fucks my ass, pokes, prods, pulls, fondles, and slaps me, no satisfaction for me just a messy unsatisfied cum dump by the time its done. After the last man leaves im not allowed to clean up-have to walk to my car with strangers cum running out of me and down my legs. (of course you will notice that my fantasy does include a blind fold and does not included blowing anyone, lol)
Right now all i have to go on is fantasy, i cant wait to feel this physically and mentally FOR REAL.
You as a slave/slut are there in that situation to be a meat masturbation machine. Your sexual satisfaction is not the top priority of men brought in by your master to fill your ass and mouth with their cum. I assure you I'd be happy to shove my cock down our throat without a thought of whether your little clit is tingling or not.
ReplyDeleteYou had better not be, “filing your nails” when you need to be totally engaged in pleasing the cock, balls, ass that are before you. You are the creation of Master, this is your chance to show his peers the fruits of his work. Do not embarrass him by being disengaged!
Remember, pleasure is not the sole domain of sexuality. Investigate the pleasure of pleasing Master with the submission of your body but not your self. Congratulations, you are on the road to whoredom.
I've just discovered your blog. Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much, Sir, for your response. And thank you for making your way over here to this blog. if you are who i think you are i am glad you like the blog because i enjoy your stories. anyway-your response is exactly what i am looking for, very helpful. And i will say i would NEVER embarrass my Master and i am always proud to show off his training. Thanks again for your comment.
DeleteHi J and thanks for reminding me to look at your blog. You raise a lot of points so I will try to tell you how I feel about as many of them as I can.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, MOS is completely correct. Your obedience to your Master is what is being tested in this exercise and your training as his slut. You should be fully engaged or you will not please your Master at all. You need to suck cocks like he showed you/trained you. It is hard. I cried while I was sucking other men's cocks when I started... but I still sucked them, deep, and swallowed like my Master wanted.
My ass is reserved for James. It is what is not shared with others, or shared VERY rarely. He believes that to give your ass to someone is to basically own them.
I was 18 when I met my now husband/Master. I had had a number of sexual relationships, but nothing like what I have now. I also cried while other men used my pussy at first. This didn't bother my then BF/Master at all... Other Masters might be annoyed by this. I'm not sure.
MOS is also completely correct that the men who Master has use me have no concern about my sexual pleasure at all. It is not part of their purpose. They are there to empty their balls into me, and that is all. I am nothing by warm, wet flesh to get them off... and honestly, it is rare that having sex with them would get me off if that was it alone. When it is accompanied by verbal abuse and degrading comments, I get caught up in my head in combination with the physical sensation... and then sometimes I cum. It is not prohibited by my Master, but even still - it is rare that I would disrespect him by finding that much pleasure in another man's cock in me. If Master or a group of men are simultaneously calling me a whore or saying how proud my parents would be to see what a little slut I have become... then it can sometimes happen. I like the humiliation, because Master likes humiliating me during sex.
I do not recall if this has been part of my blogs at SF or not, but James also has had me mounted by dogs in front of other men. It is the lowest, dirtiest most degrading thing that I or anyone can really imagine... and Master loves it. He loves that the other men cheer on the dog, and he loves the sad look on my face as I realise that I am a cum dump for both men and dogs, and he loves that the sensation will make me cum - despite how embarrased I am when I do under these circumstances. He sometimes has me knot with dogs when guys are just over to watch a football game... I am their entertainment, and they find it very entertaining. James believes it properly displays the level of my submission to him and his desires. Believe me, my pleasure is not something on the dog's agenda at all. Same for the men who will use you.
Finally, there is a man who has used me who I hate and who hates me. He hate fucks me. According to his religious beliefs I should be stoned, and he tells em that WHILE he is pumping cum in me. I have asked James to please never let this man use me again... and as a reminder of how my wishes are not important in this regard, James gave me to him for a weekend as a punishment for arrogance and disobedience.
I know you probably have concerns about everything you will be asked to do, but I can tell you this... at each time my Master has pushed me to the next level of submission to him, I have been rewarded with greater love and affection from him. He takes greater pride in me and takes greater pleasure in me and my body for himself. It has all been worth it.
Amber - CommonWhoreWife
Thank you so much Amber for your thoughtful and thorough response, i am not sure it quelled any concerns but certainly helped me be more aware of what i will be dealing with. you have given me alot to think about and i am still processing it so please forgive my brief response! thank you again for taking the time.
Deletei am really impressed how you Amber can express this so clear. i was thinking bout j's question and while i read this post i can only say 'yes, thats it'. i had a hard time understanding why my first owner sent me out to fuck and suck cocks, other than his which i was craving so much. He did it to make this slut out of me that i am now and to show me that my holes are nothing more than a relief-station for men's pleasure, and i am so glad that he did.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is how to deal with it. One time my owner sent me out to a porn theater and my task was to suck ten men and swallow their cum. i remember i had a hard time...i was picky in the beginning and didnt want to suck just anyone, but then i sat there...with nothing in hand to make my Master proud. i was in deep thoughts what to do and finally it just overcame me and i went to any guy in there...old ones, dirty ones...just to get those ten cocks for my Master. And seing him proud after this made it all so dam good, it showed me why i did this and this was only to please HIM.
Kim thank you for commenting - gives me more to think about. Honestly a couple of weeks ago i would have assumed both you and amber were just making stories up but now i know you and i know you are telling the truth -that brings it home to me in a more real way the actual reality of the things i would be doing...i dont know.... my thoughts are a jumble of conflicting feelings. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
DeleteJ, perhaps a years ago I would also have thought all these kind of stories were total BS. Seriously, who goes to theatres and sucks off 10 guys? who has sex with dogs? who are these guys who are OK with fucking another guy's GF/wife in front of other men? What kind of a guy wants other men use his wife? This must all be BS!!
ReplyDeleteBut I know different now. When my Master found me I was already sexually active... letting a couple of guys here and there get in me, I never had a proper BF, just some guys who fucked me when they wanted to. I felt dirty and shameful sometimes afterwards, but I did it anyway because I liked the attention and it was a sure way to get some.
From the start James recognised that I am at my core a whore and a slut, and he started using me as such from the first day. He guided me and trained me to understand what I am and what I am for.
This is pretty much my "mantra":
I am a whore for my Master. I will open my legs to any man or thing that he desires. I will suck any cock he wants and swallow all the cum that may amuse him. My mouth, tits, pussy and asshole are his to use and share as he wishes. My purpose is to let men empty their balls into me as my Master commands. Every time I submit to his desires I should feel proud to have pleased him. Every load of cum he gives me and every mark he makes on my body are his gifts to me. My pleasure is to recognize my place as a three holed slut for him. I am so proud that he thinks I am good enough to be used by his friends. And proud that he thinks I am good enough to get on my knees or back in front of them to be knotted and fucked by dogs.
Now, it is still hard to do sometime. He still has to encourage me and he still sometimes punishes me if/when I disappoint him. This happens most often in two ways: 1. I hesitate when told to perform a service or I perform it without the right attitude, or 2. I question him about the safety for the choices he makes for me. He has told me he is very careful. I sometimes ask him again, and he feels greatly disrespected.
There was one other time when I was punished severely (he beat and "raped" me)... but it is too long a story to get into. I deserved what he did to me and more, and I am grateful he punished me that way as opposed to withdrawing his affection.
There is one thing about what you are doing J that is different than my situation. I see James daily, unless he is travelling for business... which happens more than I like. Also, he is much older than I am. I am permitted to continue my studies at univ., but I do not pursue any other outside interests.
It is probably easier for me to submit to him, because I get intense physical reinforcement from him almost daily. While there is a HUGE hot sexy factor in meeting your Master only once and a while - especially in a motel and getting used like Mastered used you (can you say "ridden hard and put away wet!!") But I would find it hard not to have the regular dose of him making it all worthwhile. That said, I will freely admit that I am pretty immature about such things. James, being a good Master, recognised this too, and moved me out of residence at school and into his house pretty quickly at which point he turned a young girl into his total submissive fucktoy slut.
Who knew this sort of thing could happen?!
Amber
Amber this response it so great and so articulate i want to thank you for sharing so much..i know you have put a lot of time and thought into your answers here and it means a lot to me that you have ...i am still processing my thoughts about what you've said so i cant really do more than thank you again right now...
DeleteWell, I don't know what happened I answer this and somehow got deleted. First off, Amber, thank you for your personal note and I did not take any offense. I do say that the time I had with "J" was very personal and erotic, BUT she does now know, that I am for real, I care about her and her safety. But she does now know that, I, as her Master, is more than able to train her and to get her to where she really wants to be...A true slut and to please her Master! It is difficult on-line, but we have talked and it took a while to break her down and admit this is where she wants to be. Meeting and watching her and teaching her the leash and whipping and forced cumming is not a bad thing. She really wants more. But, I do try to also teach her patience, as that is what a Master is supposed to have to train anyone. Again, thanks for the personal note and LOVE your new profile picture slut! "Mastered"
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to visit my blog Master, i am honored by your comments. i have no doubt that you are the one that will train me to fully realize my purpose in life, to be a true slut and all that entails.
Delete{Captivator.Colt’s Comments PT 1}
ReplyDeleteHello slave J. I finally had a few minutes to check out your daily blog here, and I must say that I find it very interesting … especially this one topic and the inner conflicts that you describe. I have always found your writing to be quite pleasing to read as you allow us a long look into the emotions and feelings of the slave/sub/slut as she progresses through her journey to become that which her Master desires her to become. I hope that eventually my little captive will learn from your example and be able to express herself in her posts as you have thus far.
That being said:
I am not sure how much I can help you on this since, as you know by reading my bio, I am an Empath. Being such, I have the difficulty of separating myself emotionally from people of any level or on either end of the leash. One of the biggest curses of being such is that I feel what those around me or that I am close to feel … and with the same intensity and at the same time … sometimes this can be very overwhelming. Therefore, I can’t give you any insight on what a man feels or thinks while “dumping his cum” into a slave slut, or using it for just a sexual release.
I can however, give you some insight as to what I have experienced while sharing previous slaves I have had and what I have felt from those who were using them at the time. So I hope this helps you in some way.
It is very few slaves when first starting out being shared for their Master’s amusement or pleasure in showing off His workmanship in her that can remove themselves from the feeling that they are in some way betraying their Master by submitting their body to anyone other than him in this manner. Most Masters realize these feelings within their sluts on a superficial or surface level … and that is a very big draw to having them do these sorts of acts. It is in her submission to her Master and her ability to serve Him in any manner that He so desires, regardless of her personal feelings or disgust with who she is using her body to serve at the time, that she will follow through with His commands that makes this such a valued training aid. It typically isn’t until long term and consistent usage in this manner that a slave will become immune to the “cheating” hurdle.
Aside from long term and consistent usage, I have experienced that when a slave becomes to truly worship her Owner and when He becomes her one and only focus beyond any other aspect of life, is also when the slave will be able to perform in such a manner and not feel that she is being unfaithful to her Owner as she then realizes and thinks nothing but of His pleasure and amusement during that/those act(s). It is when she is at that level of worship and service that she will perform to the utmost of her ability for no other reason than to give Him the pleasure of a good show if He is present to see it or the pleasure of a good report and the possibility of being envied later once her service the stranger is complete.
{Colt’s Comments PT 2}
ReplyDeleteIt is true that some men can separate their natural instinct to base their self-satisfaction upon the slaves cumming during the sexual exchange … but not many at all. It is inherently within our psyche for us, as men, to base our sexual prowess upon how well we are able to please our partner and now often we can make them cum during that exchange. Yes, this is different for a Master who is at the time getting off on His total control over his property to the point where He knows that of her need to cum and yet at the time, we derive great satisfaction in our having control over her mind to the point where she will not allow her body to override her service to our pleasure and do what it would naturally do. So even though all of the men might say that they just want to get off and unload their nuts into a wet & warm body, most are not being completely truthful in that statement. There are few men who can actually derive a great amount of pleasure from the sheer act of releasing their seed into a body, though there are a few with this ability. However, as with self-gratification, men do have the ability to sustain an erection and dump our cum just about anywhere or into just about anything when it comes right down to it, and that is what you will need to think you are there for regardless of how they may be feeling or thinking at the time.
One of my personal pleasures is being able to share with my slave, especially if I am attached to her or in love with her, is to feel along with her, her feelings as the pendulum swings from the initial fear and self-doubt of whether or not she can even do this at all; to the exhilaration of her being able to begin and to perform well; to the humiliation and degradation from some of the acts and/or comments; to the disgust she may feel toward one of Master’s guests; to the satisfaction and pride she feels when she sees pleasure or amusement in Master’s eyes; to the feeling of being cheap and slutty either during or immediately following the night or a specific act; to the hopefulness that she did well enough to please her Master and amuse him to the fullest extent; to the hope that he will still want her and accept her as she now is … a used piece of fuck-meat to her relief when Master smiles and tells her that she did very well.
I know this is not exactly what you were looking for in a response, but I hope it in some way helps you to understand the psychological and emotional aspects of these events as you near this stage of your training and service to Mastered. I have great respect for Mastered and what he has done with you and to you thus far … likewise, I have respect for you as I do all slaves for your strength and ability to overcome your own “self” to surrender everything to become so unconditionally what another wants to mold you into. I think you two are great together and for each other and I look forward to each and every task that you are assigned and bring to completion. I see the changes as you progress and I know it takes a very talented Master indeed to bring such changes to one online and separate from his touch and presence.
Only in total submission can you truly become free.
Be well slave J. Please extend my regards to Mastered.
~Colt~
i appreciate your thoughtful and thorough response. all of the responses i have gotten have helped me get over what i now realize was a hurdle that, i think, had little to do with either my dissatisfaction iwth my profile pic or my doubts about being used. I think i will be blogging about it if i have time but i think i was going thru a general phase of doubt. one of the things i like about Mastered is that he leaves me to work thru things by myself if i just kind of hint around that i am having a problem. he generally wont address concerns unless i feel like i have exhausted all other avenues and actually address it directly with him. i feel like coming to conclusions myself penetrates deeper than just being given the answer by Mastered. and this journal and the responses i have gotten have REALLY helped me thru these past couple of days when i have been struggling with some things. Thank you again Sir!
DeleteIn My opinion, once it is clear that you are a sex slave, a service cunt (well specifically in your case a service ass-cunt, mouth-cunt, and tit valley), and a pleasure hole gift to be enjoyed by His chosen Men, I don't believe They will be concerned with you pleasure, orgasm, or degradation. I know in My case, I would thoroughly enjoy you as a cum dump and not really care about how you were feeling or whether you were enjoying yourself. I would hope that you would only be concerned with My pleasure and that you were pleasing your Master and showing what a wonderful and well trained sex slave you have become. If you are looking for "romance" or "respect", you are in the wrong role. you are to perform the wishes of your Master and Owner regardless of how much you hate the task, hate the cock you are being told to service, or feeling totally degraded and de-personalized as a cock service hole.
ReplyDeleteSir, i do not expect romance or respect at all and would be disappointed if that was what i got. as i said i really was just, honestly, feeling like it would be rude not to enjoy a mans cock. all of the comments have helped me figure this out a little better and as i said on Sir Colts response the comments (yours included) have, in fact, helped me get past something on a larger scale i was struggling with. Thank you Sir.
Delete